Approaching

How do I approach what I do?

Another evening where I am tired, the demands of my professional and family life, tugging at my time to play.  Do I leap in and play a favorite piece with the hope that the energy from the music brings me into the present moment?  Certainly there have been evenings when I have done this.  Yet I aim for an efficient guitar practice, and an efficient use of myself.  Tonight, I was sitting on my stool, breathing and calming down.

After a few minutes I was ready to get my guitar.  Instead I decided to play with AT inhibition.  My next decision was to raise my left hand as if I was to play.  Directing myself to find my length and width, I inhibited this action, and instead spoke the phrase "I am free."  Deciding again to bring my left hand to the guitar, I again used the AT directions, and this time I did allow this motion to proceed.  My next decision was to get my guitar and after directing, I choose to fling my right hand about instead.  Deciding to bring both hands to my imaginary guitar, I directed, and then did nothing.  Next time after directing, I did bring up both hands.  Taking in the room about me, the space above me, and my feet supported by the floor, I decided I was ready to play.


And I was ready.  Having released much of the tension of my day; my mind and body were working together.  Maintaining a sense of myself I rose, opened my case, and tuned. Forty-five minutes of spirited practice ensued.  I played the beginning of Here We Are a few times, each time coming back to myself and directing.  Those opening notes sounding so sweet and present.  As I played through the piece, my mind was hearing the music as I played.  Sensing the freedom of my use, I occasionally generated thought of freedom of use as I played.  I continued in the manner the tremolo piece.  Then while directing prior to playing Gathered Hearts I turned towards the mirror and began to play.  So much easier to do this here tonight.  Was it because I was home? Alone? Or was I just playing in the moment without concerns.  During Gathered, I noticed my breath moving freely and deeply, supporting myself and the music.  I could see in the mirror that I looked more relaxed than I had at the beginning of this session.  I moved onto some single string work with my pic.  Noticing my attention was waning I took a break to write this.

As I think of returning to the guitar, I read my initial question of How do I approach what I do?  Laughing as my use of myself has been less than optimal as I type this.  At least I noticed.

Excited, I returned to my practice space.  Too excited perhaps.  I found myself rushing to check out an idea using a wah-wah pedal.  My old electroharmonix needed a battery, reaching for the screwdriver I realized I had no sense of myself.  I could pause I thought, yet I plunged on.  The pedal did not work so I abandoned this and moved onto transcription.  Again I thought of pausing and directing, but I wanted to get on with listening.  Something about headphones, a score, and the guitar leads me to end-gaining.  Progress was made on the transcription, and towards the end I did pause, direct, and look for how I can approach this process with a better sense of myself.  But tonight in this second half of my practice, habit drove me forward.  As I completed my practice, I smiled.  And so it goes.