Contemplating Silence

                                          Photo by James Landry
                                          Music From the Film


Silence - so precious, elusive, and necessary for my life.

                      A few collected thoughts.

Silence is the field of creative musical intelligence that dwells in the space between the notes, and holds them in place.  - Guitar Craft Aphorism

A man is known by the silence he keeps.
Oliver Herford


True silence is the rest of the mind; it is to the spirit what sleep is to the body, nourishment and refreshment. ~William Penn

And with that I'll be quiet.

Day of Delight

Tomorrow is my wife's birthday. Tonight after warming up I was thinking of her and her parents.  How delighted they must have been on this evening many moons ago. Her mom plump and loving; and most likely so ready to birth this truly wonderful person.

I began to improvise and found a chord that speaks to this delight. I followed where the notes wanted to take me, gently allowing new notes to emerge. Trusting they will take form and celebrate my beloveds birth. For tonight my work is done, time to rest.

Tomorrow we celebrate.

Twenty minutes later.

After posting this I picked up my guitar once more to play through what I had. Suddenly my hands moved to a new idea, the piece is flowing. The recorder turned on to capture what I may be too tired to remember.

Transitions

               http://www.flickr.com/photos/afeng/ / CC BY 2.0

Is it true or have I made it a truth that the most difficult places to play a piece of music is the transitions? Is truth immutable or in motion & changing? No doubt about it transitions for me are tricky, demanding my attention, and in need of care.  There are different types of transitions. In performance the change in fingerings, tempo, rhythm, &  intensity can be subtle or dramatic and everything in between. Same holds true in composing, how is this piece of music going to alter it's path? Will it be different harmonies, rhythmic changes, or dramatic shifts of mood & emotion? In reality it is usually a manifestation of all of the above. Intense & jarring fortissimos giving way to peaceful & quiet pianissimos. Percolating melodies giving way to gentle meanderings. Solo voice evolving into rich choral tapestries. Transitions breath change into music and also into life.

In performance transitions breed nervousness (one of a hundred forms of fear) in me. Have I mastered the elusive fingering? Can I marshal the emotional force needing to be interjected or soften the wave of feeling already in play? Do I understand the relationships undergoing change during the transition in this piece?  In life? During the performance of my life can I accept, embrace, and allow the ambiguity of changing relationships during the sections of transition? Can I improvise the piece when I have lost my place in the score? When no score is provided?

In reality every breath is a transition and every micro-second in between. The music of changes plays on ... trust the muse; play the transitions; be available.

You Are Here

Last night I was reading You Are Here by Thich Nhat Hahn before going to bed. He was talking about death and how when we really face our impermanence we can become truly alive in this precious moment. As I read this I looked at my wife and was happy. Knowing that one day we will be separated by death, I took a moment to tell her what she means to me. I smiled as I meditated on death. This was joyful for you see I was alive. When I can let go of my fears, as in dying, and just be right here, right now, life is real.

I had an interchange with a friend who is a professional classical guitarist. He has been "zoning out" while practicing his repretroire which he has been playing for years. I shared with him that when I notice myself "zoning out" I return to my breath or come back to my body. I may even totally stop playing and do Qi Gong as this quickly quiets my mind and brings me back to my body. The key is first noticing and then acting in a manner that harmonizes what I am actually doing with how I wish to be.

While taking a walk after work I was thinking about my guitar practice and meditation practice and how they inter-are. Really is just one practice, the meditation practice being a prerequisite to the guitar practice.  They each inform the other. While enjoying my legs moving me through the warm twilight I imagined what it would be like to play my guitar as if it was the final time. I had a taste of this months back the evening the John Allen Muhammed was executed. Could I bring this alive in my practice regularly? As Meursault in Albert Camus's The Stranger became truly alive when he knew his execution was in three days, can I truly become alive when I reflect on my own impermanence? Relish each moment; every note.

When ending my practice this evening I picked up my guitar one more time, holding it gently, wondering if this was the last time I might play. I improvised a night time lullaby, it was sweet and short, just like life.

Getting in a Chair

Amazed, though I shouldn't be, that working with how I get in & out of my chair has opened me to a creative musical idea this evening. Tonight I read Frank Sheldon's blog regarding FM Alexander's work with the "critical moment." Frank describes this as " he heart of the matter is the "critical moment" that occurs just before we do something. In some ways, this means even before we get ready to do something, as it is at this moment that the power of our habits tend to take over. "  This post gave me pause and many times tonight I paid very careful attention to where I was prior to sitting on my stool and then again as I sat on or left my stool.

Whenever I pay attention to one detail, I am paying attention. This quality of attention then can spread into other areas of my activity. Paying attention & gaining a small measure of freedom in one area of habitual area such as my body then frees other areas from their habitual working such as my brain.

8:05 pm
Just after writing the first two paragraphs I was going to return to my guitar. Noticing the stiffness in my back and my overall physical tiredness I began doing Qi Gong. Smiling I went to pick up my guitar. The power of habit so strong that before I knew it the guitar was  on me and I had no knowledge of how it got there. I have a routine, ritual even that I go through when I remove my guitar from the case. But just now the guitar was on a guitar stand and there went my attention. How fleeting my attention is. Remembering the aphorism "we begin again constantly," I shall go now and know that I am putting on my guitar.

8:22 pm

Spent time playing with the new idea until I noticed that I was thinking about the idea instead of allowing the piece to emerge. Let go, music is always present, always. Am I?

9:15 pm

Continued working with the new idea and with paying attention, looking for the "critical moment." Like music the critical moment is there, am I?

Errors

http://www.flickr.com/photos/denverjeffrey/ / CC BY-ND 2.0

Very useful information on errors from The Musician's Way: A Guide to Practice, Performance, and Wellness by Gerald Klickstein.

1. Errors are not failures.


2. Errors are not shameful.


3. Errors are information.

Information- this is objective stance that a musician needs to cultivate so that errors do not undermine one's creativity and ability to perform. I am still working on this.

New Mantra

While working with the middle section of Stepping Stones this evening I kept noticing myself catching & or holding my breath. I have seen this before and have commented previously that when I can breath throughout a piece I can play it. So tonight my new practice mantra appeared.

Stop trying - begin allowing.