Friday, July 31, 2009

Acceptance of Here and Now

Friday 8pm

Can I be happy right now? Guitar in hand; music waiting to be played and I am in a funk. Dissatisfaction with where I am at with my playing of the new works that have been given to me. Since returning from the Guitar Craft course at Raft Island in June my work has been fruitful. Last night I hit a bit of a wall though with finding the ending for "When Love is Taken." When I moved on to look at one of the other pieces that began a few days before "WLIT" I became frustrated with what I had forgotten. Fortunately I do have this piece partially notated and a few rough takes. Yet I wanted my return to this to be easy.

A part of me is so grateful for music being present in my life. And another part just wants my musical pursuits to be easy. Where does this come from?

Time to get lost in the sound. When my mind is grasping, just focus on silence, then on one note, then another. I only need to be here now. When I first heard Thich Nhat Hahn say that our practice should be joyful, I was suspicious. Slowly this has resonated with me. I focus on my breath, watering seeds of happiness and acceptance. I return to playing ... quieter, focused.

I review "Leaving Song" which I have not looked at since I left Phnom Phen in April. Slowly caressing my strings. Letting go of the expectations and demands I put on myself. Music, let it flow. I move onto reviewing Dancin' Free which was what frustrated me earlier in my practice session. Ah, there it is. I play this through twice and work a bit on a chord change.

Now to look at "WLIT." I play it through and decide to focus on the last section. After a bit I find the ending. I feel the smile spreading softly on my face. I enjoy playing and exploring this potential ending. When Joann arrives home I will play this for her.

1 comment:

  1. Beautiful, inspiring words... yes, we must smile (inwardly and outwardly) and relax into the moment. This moment, all we really have, is a gift! Thank you for your friendship; this funk is touching us all this summer, it seems to be hitting us all. I was at the precipice of quitting music for good twice already this summer and was able to be pulled back. Your words have helped me.