Meeting a Stimulus With Ease

When I arrived at my Alexander Technique class with David Jernigan, I noticed he had an iPhone with him.  As he was talking with the other student, I thought of F. M. Alexander's quote:

 You are not  here to do exercises, or to learn to do something right, but to get able to meet a stimulus that always puts you wrong and to learn to deal with it.

 I knew that I had something to work with tonight.  I think of myself as not being a photogenic person and can feel uncomfortable when my photo is being taken.  I suspected that to invite in the taking of photos during the act of playing a piece of music would provide me with a challenging stimulus. Then I would have an opportunity to see if I could respond with awareness rather than manifest a habitual pulling away.

I played Forget-Me-Knot and some photo's were taken.  Overall this did not bother me.  David did help to ground me by working with my legs.  Due to old basketball injuries that have compounded as I age, I tend to favor my right leg when I stand. By putting more of my weight on the right leg to support this keeps my left heel bone spur from bothering me.  Yet when David invited both feet to be supported by the planet, there was a greater sense of up and certainly a greater ease as I played.

Next came a video of me playing.  As the shooting began I did remember to find my hands and know that they were alive, to find my breath, and to hold my wish before I moved my hands to the guitar.  I've not seen the video, but know that the playing began poorly, David was too close to me, which is fine for an AT teacher, but with the video on, this was a bit much for to process.  I did continue to play and something shifted.  I was able to connect with David and the other student and the camera with eye contact which can be problematic when I play.  I sensed there good will and was able to allow this to support the act of music making, to come a little bit more alive and present.  This is huge progress and I look forward to continuing the process.

Play What You Don't Know

Compound Image from 77 Million Paintings by Brian Eno

Wednesday morning I read the following from Rumi:
"What could be luckier than to have the ocean come to court the drop?
For God's sake don't postpone your Yes!
Give up and become the giver."

I so loved the sentiment of this that I copied to paper and placed it in my shirt pocket. I read it at work a few times and again this paper accompanied to work on Thursday. In the morning I recalled Miles Davis famous "Play what you don't know," while seeing a quote by Einstein " A person who never made a mistake never tried anything new."

Later I encountered this pearl of wisdom and insight from F.M Alexander " ... it is impossible to separate the 'mental & physical' processes in any form of human activity." I thought of my meditation practice and how this harmonizes the body and the mind. Suddenly I had an idea to conduct some improvisations using the breath as bar lines. I have read variations of this elsewhere but never worked with this myself. Even came up with a structure of playing only on the 'in breaths' for 3 breaths then play for a full breath, rest a breath and come play on two of the "out breaths", and repeat. Thought this would give my mind something to do.

I decided to tape these improvisations just in case the happy accident occurred. Did not take me long to notice that I was not following the breath playing past the first in breath. I also noticed that I needed to trust myself and just let go. Only an exercise, my whole existence was not at stake. But the " all hearing ears" of the tape machine were bothering me. I persisted for three attempts and then let go. Much trickier than I first imagined and perhaps an exercise to attempt periodically.

Moving on I played through Dandelion Wish. Enjoyed this and noted that I actually played all of the harmonics in time. I was about to remove the capo and then found a chord in the 13th position. When I heard this chord I though again of Rumi's line: "to have the ocean come to court the drop?" I began to explore and quickly saw that a piece was forming. I noticed that now I was trusting myself and the process. Had I watered this seed earlier in the improvs so that now it could sprout?

I played with this a bit and took a short break. Increasingly I am noticing how I misuse my body with the guitar especially when excited by new musical whisperings. While stretching I decided to notate what had just come out. Then I moved back to the guitar. A new section appeared. Again I notated. Then I turned on the tape and played what I had so far for documentary purposes, while taping the next section came out. Excited I played with this a bit and before I knew it I had a rough sketch of a piece. I began this process at 9pm and it was now 11:30. I wanted to keep going but I knew I needed to wind down before I would fall asleep. All was notated & three takes recorded. I played through a one more time before retiring.

I woke Friday tired but happy. Twenty minutes of Qi Gong had my body humming along and then it was on to the rest of my morning routine. I really wanted to stay home from work and play but ... I came home from work and after stretching and warming up I consulted my notes and played through the piece a few times. Something musical was there and I needed to flesh the rest out. I began exploring. A break for a walk on Sligo Creek at dusk to listen to the insects and the creek and let the musical ideas percolate.

Refreshed and back at the guitar I worked on this some more. Holding onto Rumi's poem seemed to nurture my playing and the development of the piece. At times I could sense the 'ocean swell' with in me and in the playing. Also a bit of a dark twist emerged which appears to strengthen the music. Additions to the original tabulature notes were creating a mess on the staff paper. So what, I can clean this up later. I kept note of my posture to a greater degree than usual. Perhaps if I take care with my body while developing the piece it will be easier when I actually learn the piece. Time will tell on this front. Another recording of where the piece was and I completed my practice for the evening. I was tempted to listen to the recordings of this work in progress, but I know at times doing this for purposes other than to check a part out can deflate the process for me. I hear the warts of my playing and loose the sense of the energy of the emerging piece. Armed with this reminder I restrained from listening.

A beautiful summer morning today found me practicing Qi Gong on the back yard. Needed to leave my shoes on as the acorns have began falling. After sitting and breakfast I returned to this piece. A couple additions and the piece appears close to being complete.

Off to address personal returns and later in the day a dear friend who is a talented pianist surprised me with a visit. She was interested in hearing what I have been working on. I played through two pieces for her and then took a deep breath. Usually my dear wife Joann is the first person to hear my musical ideas. She is away on retreat this week. I relish the value of bringing a piece of music alive by playing for someone so I took the leap. Although there was hesitation at two of the transitions I played the piece fairly well. I received good feedback from Gina and off to lunch we went. Much enlivened conversation followed.

Perhaps I should return to my breath improvisations again and just trust while waiting for the door to open. Stay tuned!