Constructing Freedom

   6/10/21 RECORDING SIMULATION DRILL DAY 5

Playing with ease is paramount to to any given piece of music and to the long term health of the performing musician. Knowing the piece is bottom line. Then what? Can I play with unity of body, mind and feelings? Between my practice with meditation, Qi Gong and the Alexander Technique I know and understand the vitality available if I allow myself the time to settle into the present moment. Yesterday with the work done within the AT Cycle Practice group I was there.

Todays session was led by Daniela Sangiorgio.  When we had completed doing the Cycle practice there was time for reflection and observations. Regarding the practice of constructive thinking Daniela said “ we do what we do so we can find out when we interfere. When we stop interfering ease will flow.” Yet these are words. The experience of this simple but powerful exercise known as the Cycle Practice over the past few months has been worthwhile. 

I took on recording the most difficult of the pieces I am preparing for later this month. I would like a recording of this work titled What is This? to assist my practice. 

Photo by Paul van de Velde

Entangled

Entangled body/mind.

Let thoughts fall winds clear our path.

Freedom comes then goes.

I need to give myself permission to pause during my practice session. When I notice my body is tense or the mind dancing with non-related thoughts. Pushing through will not provide me with freedom. Practice is not a performance. I am not in front of anyone, no set time frame for getting off the stage.

If I want to perform well, then pausing during practice is the way forward. When my body and mind are entangled or confused a simple pause for a few breaths invites in freedom. A simple pause for constructive thinking opens the door to letting go of the entanglement. And as Mio Morales pointed out in his Cycle Study session of the Alexander Technique this morning the improvement arrives here and now but also better prepares me into the future. As the Guitar Craft aphorism aptly describes: Small incremental changes are transformative.

Pauses open me to how I am using myself right now. Guiding my nervous system to find ease. And then repeating the questions or directions again. Bringing my hands to the guitar and noticing how I am using my body. Pausing again and then again. Noticing the energetic shift to freedom and then noticing again, when I am diligent, that habit has returned. Will I remember to pause again? Will you?  

Photo by Mohamed Hassan

 

Struggles

 You can’t always get what you want. - Mick Jagger

I worked on Grappling this morning. Have transcribed 75 seconds of these 4 minutes. Then I need to clean up some of the phrases/sections and see what is there.

Continued working on relearning Breaking Light. Met with my friend and played the first three pieces of my four piece set poorly. Opening with what I chose is not working. I saw this clearly after I played  the set for my wife later. I also listened to his work and was able to give him feedback. Valuable time. We will meet again Thursday.

I decided to open with Breaking Light and see what works as number two piece. I need to figure out how to get some of my more intense works into this four piece set limit.  May I get what I need.

Photo by Counseling

Random Notes

9:31 am

Ready to practice and I heard this thought - time to resume music connection.  What does that mean - connection? Pick up my guitar & play.

10:04 am

After working on my nails and exploring notes the thought of connection returned.  Do I want to connect or repeat, that is explore the music of the moment or play/practice pieces that exist.  I decided to let go of repeat for now, embrace the new and connect.  After a while this felt like noodling.

Then a spark. Attempts to ignite, maybe; maybe not.  Let go then a bigger spark.  Persist. Let go.

10:47 am

I know not where music comes from.

12:17 pm

What is the question I have not asked?

What is the music I can not hear?

12:48 pm

Sticking with the uncertainty.  Lost and confused, go ahead abandon the search and play something you know.   But I know that right now, playing something I know would in a sense be a cheap thrill.  Suffer through the feelings of inadequacy,  the why's and self-deprecation.  Visiting a C sharp again, an idea for a tuning arose.  Yeah get more lost.  And I did.  Then another musical idea arose.  Played with and explored a bit.  Wrote it down and broke for lunch.


4:30 pm

Looked at the idea again and took it further.  Still much uncertainty.  Still the uncertainty.  I know that regardless of a complete piece of music I always learn in these situations.  And I have notebooks full of ideas.  Brought some with me for this retreat.  May or may not give these old ideas a look.

9:00 pm

One more visit after dinner and a film.  Where the piece was previously took off a bit.  Found myself playing in 11, here goes.  Until tomorrow.

Tuning is low to high C# G D B F# G   and so it goes.

First Day

After journaling and our sitting, we went to the Ocean for our morning Qi Gong practice.  The energy available at sunrise along the surf is enlivening to a degree like no other.  The scent of the Ocean, the sounds of the birds and surf awaken my body, mind and spirit.  Just what I need to return to the guitar on this day.

Tony Geballe & I completed the recordings for The Call this past Thursday.  Preparations & execution had been intense and I took Friday off.  With the completion of Guitar Craft on Saturday I choose to end as I had begun.  Prior to my Level One we were instructed to not play for guitar for one week.  With a busy three days in front of me, this might also be a good way to enter into my post GC period.

On FB I saw that Curt Golden ended on a C sharp as his last note. He has always been a great guide for me, so I chose to begin with a C Sharp today.  Soon this led me to a full and partial capo arrangement which had me somewhat baffled.  An idea arose and I followed along; happily open to the next note.

November Rose

 Sending prayers, love and music on Mom's Birthday.

Mom found my first guitar teacher,

bought me my first guitar,

Loved every note I played,

absolutely loved them all.

She loved me too.

All of me.

Especially when I didn't.

What more could I ask for,

hope for.

Certainly more than I deserve.

Matka Boska.

Yes ...  Yes

Matka Boska - Blessed Mother.

Awakening

On the road today, staying in a beautiful home.  A wonderful place to rest and practice.  Walking in a nearby park, I came across four Native American Burial Mounds.  These simple, poignant, natural, mysterious and inevitable reminders of the one fear that always comes true - death.  As I pondered them, I was grateful for the life, opportunities, family, friends & love that fill my life.

After lunch I practiced a bit, then recalled the Burial Mounds.   Being open to the notes that might arise, I listened carefully as I played.  Might the notes wrap the shroud with respect.  A whisper arose and I followed gently.  Another whisper - somewhat surprised I trusted and followed further.  Could this be my humble tribute to these lives that passed?  To all life that will pass?  I made some notes as the whisper quieted and then I rested.

Why Practice Qi Gong

Recently a friend asked me why do I practice Qi Gong?

I had been exposed to QI Gong on meditation retreats and guitar seminars.  While I liked the affects, I did not practice on my own until I was injured.  A nasty case of tendinitis in my left wrist had me stop playing guitar.  After little progress with Western Medicine I received an acupuncture treatment which had an immediate effect.  Of course the nature of tendinitis and inflammation meant I had to have repeated treatments.  One day I noticed that my acupuncturist Dr. Nianzu Li, also taught Qi Gong.

After the treatment I asked him if there was an exercise which would help my condition. He showed me “Opening the Energy Gates” which I practiced daily until my next visit to his office. I showed him the exercise and he commented that I was doing good.  He then shared a secret with me, if I practiced Qi Gong, I’d probably not need to see him for acupuncture.  I signed up for his next class. 

That was over twelve years ago.  I have learned many forms in this time, relishing in the calm and energy that the practice of Qi Gong delivers.  I developed a daily practice. When Master Li offered a teacher training program I joined with my wife.  Our practice and learning accelerated and I continue to reap the rewards of daily practice.  When we began teaching our own class, I was happy as others embraced Qi Gong for the first time and many have continued their studies.

Last year I had an opportunity to present Qi Gong during a week long residential Guitar Seminar.  What would best serve the guitarists on the course?  I settled upon the Daoist 12 Postures form.  One of the intentions in this form is to release the spine, known as the Heavenly Pillar in Mandarin.  Several of the participants told me how this helped them release their own issues arriving from poor use of their bodies. The various postures are simple, yet powerful and allow the shoulders, arms, elbows, wrist and hands to release the various tensions related to the demands of playing an instrument.  These exercises are great pre-instrument practice warm ups and can be done anywhere at anytime.  Even back stage prior to performing. 

My wife & I will be offering the Daoist 12 Postures for the first time in a class offered by the Takoma Park Recreation Department.  While Qi Gong is great for musicians, the benefits of stimulating our energy flow is great for all.  We’ve had students from the age of 15 to 78.  Join us.

Reflection and Gratitude

 Music is a benevolent presence constantly and readily available to all.

 Guitar Craft Aphorism. 

 I am ever so grateful for those moments when music has been available to me.   Ever so grateful when musicians have been available to me and even more grateful when someone listens.  What a gift that has been bestowed upon me through the guitar.

May my work reflect a portion of that gratitude, a portion of the love and benevolence that has been extended to me.   May I do the work needed to be open and available to the Presence.  May I remember my debt and be diligent in my offerings.  Life is short, isn't it.  Time to play, while I still can.

Photo by David Ohmer

Raef

raef

That's fear backwards

Philippe Petit

What is music without an audience?

I have learned that the audience is the Mother to Music.

Fortunately I tended not to fear my Mother,

but oh I how I feared an audience.

Now I know this fear of an audience is backwards.

And the way I learned it was through.

With guitar in hand, notes in mind and hope in my heart, (along with various iterations of fear)

over and over.

The mirror reflecting my fear

and the act of performing becoming my path.

Now the fear is I not find a suitable venue to perform within.

The path continues ...

Finding My Way Back Home

Where to begin?  Constantly. Oh that's when to begin. 

Currently I am recovering from a double hernia repair.  The first half was known and needed, while the other side was found during the procedure and will save me the trauma of another operation in the future.  I've never done "fragile" well.  I can be quiet, aware and gentle but I also have a rather large well oiled frame in reserve.  Except when I don't.  Then I begin again, within the unknowing.  Generally this is not comfortable for me.

The pain meds have been put away, so the most intense part of the recovery is over; but the physical, mental and emotional repercussions continue to resound in my being.   Fatigue in all these levels  abounds.  I rest a lot, read, watch a few shows and have been listening to music.  Most of the music I have been listening to has been new to me, a simple challenge to grow even while growth is a far away dream.

I hoped to pick up my guitar for the first time in 4 days yesterday, though it seems much longer than that.  In a sense it has been longer.  Hampered with the nagging pain of the hernia, overjoyed with being with visiting family, life's practicalities and searching for that ever elusive rest were major parts of my path during the weeks leading up to entering the body repair shop.

Now the question becomes - How to begin?

I thought of studying scores these past couple days but neither my focus nor resolve were there.  Not beating up on the musician just a simple acceptance of where I was.  Still, how will I begin after this time off could prove pivotal over time.  Plenty of options to pursue - long tones, exercises or a review of repretroire were obvious ones and if done with quality - bravo.

I yearned for a direction ...

Another day went by without my guitar.  This morning on awakening I knew I would pick it up but still this question of direction shadowed and informed me.  Could I accentuate the positive?  My hands have been still.  How to begin guiding them back home?  A venture into the unknown.  Yet a challenging one, some structure appeared necessary.  What would it be?

Investigating Scriabin's Mystic Chord came to mind.  Over the years I've experimented with this chord to no avail.  How might I today?  The what to do had manifested, now how?  I needed an intention.  With hands, heart and head out of sync how to guide them back home? Simple - connection.  My intention was to connect with myself, my guitar and music; pure and simple Guitar Craft Fundamentals.

As I moved towards my case, I sensed my hands.  Noticing my nails have not been addressed in some time, I knew that the appointed reunion would have to wait just a few more precious moments.  The need to address the practicalities of practice is part of the path.  Nice to be home.

Again.


Photo by Yogendra Joshi

Thinking About Thinking About Guitars

I am currently reading How the Body Knows its Mind by Sian Beilock which is about how the body impacts the mind as well as how the physical environment influences how we think & feel.  Some of this material has been touched on in other works I've read and some has a new twist on this.  There's also new information which is always a delight for me.  Over the years I've worked extensively with how my thinking can affect my body via the Alexander Technique and will continue to do so.  One of the reasons I picked up this book is that it was mentioned in an Alexander Technique group I'm in.  She devotes part of a chapter to the Alexander Technique.  Meditation has also greatly impacted how my mind and body relate to my emotions.  Qi Gong has introduced a greater harmony & awareness of my body in motion and how this impacts my being.

Today as I read this book on the beach after a swim in the Atlantic Ocean Beilock touched on how children learn by observing others.  Certainly over the years I've picked up subtle and straight forward information related to playing the guitar by observing other guitarists.  I've also affected my playing by directing my thinking with the Alexander Technique, usually with guitar in hand or certainly close at hand.

But what if I just visualized myself playing, not related to a specific piece, but just about how to play?  Thinking purely about the act of playing in a free and open manner.  My guitar elicits a strong response in me, sometimes even a reaction that can get in my way.  I want to hear her sound, sometimes need to hear her sound.  Hell I live to hear her sound.  But what if I took time each day to just think about playing.  Not thinking before playing and then playing, just thinking about playing. Preferably on a  beach or close to Sligo Creek or maybe in a temple or church.  Unburdened by the act of bringing my hands to the guitar.  Observing the motion of the Ocean and thinking of myself in motion.

Physics tells us that a body in motion tends to remain in motion.  Can I allow my whole body to move & support the playing, not be fixed in my hips or locked in my right elbow or have my feet grasping the floor?  Can I think of my arms moving light as feathers though the air and alighting on the guitar with ease and grace? I did today.  Dare I think of my spine as the support of my body which supports my brain, all in harmony in the here and now?  Can I not think about thinking about how to play guitar?  May the learning continue.

Photo by kawabezmleka

I Touch the Universe

Bringing my hands to my guitar I touch the Universe.

My left hand caresses wood.  The tree harvested and shaped by man was energized by our Sun tens of thousands of miles away; nourished by the soil and microbes of the Earth and watered by the Heavens.

My right hand caresses metal mined from the Earth and again shaped by the hands of man.  Scientific theory brought into actuality as alloys are created.

The bout of the guitar lies across my chest close to my heart.

The guitar neck pointing up and out to embrace and be embraced by all there is.

Bringing my hands to the guitar I am touched by the Universe.

Drawing by my Favorite Person in the Whole World

Joann Malone

Be Alive in a Sea of Change

Practicing a set for performance is different from fantasizing about playing the set for imaginary people.  The first is working on the stamina of playing the various pieces each with it's own technical challenges and emotional arisings. This also allows me to determine how the flow of moods and tempi interact with one another.  Pretending in the mind about any aspect of a performance or its' impact merely detracts from the music.

Yet the mind will wander by forecasting into the future or holding onto the past.  This happens within any given piece with anticipating difficult sections or whether I can build up the emotional content of the work and by hanging onto a mistake.  To just remain with the notes being played sets the stage for what is to come and for what has come.  Remaining present with the process in rehearsal or performance ensures music has a chance to arrive.

If I can be aware & alive in rehearsal, I have a much better chance chance of being alive within the sea of change of performance.

I will be performing two sets at Takoma Porch on Saturday May 16, 2015 at 4pm.  Over 40 diverse musical acts will be performing on porches around the City of Takoma Park.  I hope to see you there.

Photo by jeronimo sanz

Not Lying Down

This afternoon I was researching and expanding upon some of my previous writings on  the Alexander Technique on Negative Directions.  As I moved to practice guitar, I decided a lie down was in order.  Settling into the floor and thinking about my body, I decided to use I am not doing a lie down.  A twist on directing that I have not played with previously.  Holding this thought a bit,  I then moved to I am not lengthening my arms, not widening my back and not releasing my pelvis.  Going through my body but directing to not release.  My mind quickly quieted with this experiment.  I wondered if I'd notice anything different.  The area of my back behind the chest which usually releases a bit during a lie down did not have the sudden release I've become accustomed to of late.  Not sure why this did not happen, but I did notice.

Continuing with the experiment as I went to get off the floor I directed  I am not getting up.  Which led to I am not walking to my guitar and I am not opening my case.  My awareness spread as I was not opening my guitar case.  Nor was I standing and playing notes as I was not standing on the Earth.  Neither was I recording my practice and I was not afraid of misplaying a particular part.  Shortly after this I noticed I was tightening my jaw as another difficult section was coming.  I paused and directed I am not holding my jaw when I play.  I noticed this jaw tightening two other times during my session.  Now I wonder how much this may be part of my playing and will look for this in the coming days.

While practicing Qi Gong during a break from playing I directed I am not holding onto my energy.  As I returned to the guitar I laughed as I began thinking I do not know how to play!  The freedom in my use generated by these experiments with negative directions today was palpable.  What causes this quieting of the mind and an introduction of ease in my body continues to mystify and intrigue me. 

Photo by Ed Utham

Let My Fingers Be Free

While practicing the Earthly Circles, a Qi Gong, exercise this morning, the thought arose in me to let my fingers be free.  Just let the fingers flow.  Allow them to follow the path the body has put into motion.  Let the energy move through the fingers from within and to them from the Earth.  Waking up to this exercise I practice most days in a new way I was grateful for this little articulation.  I reflected on our session with Master Li on Tuesday night.

His hands move so beautifully, his whole being actually.  My wife noted that his hands seem to always express his intention and I have to agree.  I have learned particular forms, understand to the underlying principles, but have quite a ways to go to embody the intention as Master Li does.  Establishing free fingers in my Qi Gong exercises will establish free hands.  With time this will be transferred to the guitar, in fact this has been happening in increments over time.  Back to work. 

Photo by D Mallen

Developing the Power to Choose.

Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” ― Viktor E. Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning
How to allow myself to find this space of which Frankl speaks?  Finding my breath and observing it  a few times is one way.  Using the Alexander Technique concept of inhibition is another.  Slowing down our habitual responses to life's activities,  allows an opportunity to see what one is doing and to maybe even have a choice in how the activity is carried out.  This is paramount for a musician.  Habits useful or not are so easily formed, but not so easily released.  I want the time remaining to play my instrument to be effective, to serve music and this musician in a sustainable manner.

As I pick up my guitar case I decide that I will focus on practicing Alexander Technique Inhibition throughout this session.  When I place it down I pause, first to calm my thinking, then to direct my thinking about how I want to open the case.  Is this important?  Yes.  When I begin my practice with quality, then this can spread and grow throughout the session.  As I sit on my stool, I hold the thought "I am not holding onto any outcomes for this session."  For a goal directed person, this tweaks my being.  But I want the freedom to see, learn from and develop how I am playing.  And yes, I  want certain pieces to be ready to record next week, but if I allow this goal to be the key rather than how I get there, the goal may be compromised.

As I begin playing through The Call I notice mental chatter.  If there must be chatter then let's direct it.  Slipping in thoughts of length and freedom between the phrases I'm working with, rather than judgements seems an informed use of chatter.  Sensing this blog post was developing I reach for my clip board to make notes.  Then I inhibit my need to do.  I see how I am holding the clipboard, guitar about my body, leaning to the right.  I make  different choice and remove the guitar.  Inhibiting again and directing my thinking along AT lines I then make notes.  Noticing the extent of my awareness I am grateful and continue to inhibit after I put the clipboard down.  May seem trivial to some, but the aliveness in my being was a sign to me to continue.

As I reach for the guitar, I think of my edges - the fingers, toes, head, skin - are they alive right now?  Free?  I include my mind and heart.  Can I approach unity in my action?  I continue in this manner as I practice bringing my thoughts back to how I am using myself as I play; as I take off the guitar; as I walk to the kitchen to get coffee.  The reward is heard in the notes.  As I reflect at the end of the session I formulate this thought.  Change will happen - am I directing the change or merely devolving into old habits?  Are you?


Photo by Sammiblog

Questioning My Practice

    While organizing some piles of paper these past days, I twice found the question on different papers "does playing with intensity have to involve muscular tension?" If I've written it down twice, this question must arise frequently enough to need attention, Last night I decided to address this question in my next practice.  What does "playing with intensity" mean?  I thought I knew, but as I looked at this question today, I quickly became unclear.  When I play, I am releasing sound. Then what does it mean to release sound with intensity?  Is it volume, emotion or both, even more?

As I began my practice I looked to answer this question.  An answer was not arriving and I was not sure that one would.  The word intensity seems to imply tension, but then tension gets in the way of playing.  Perhaps I need to better define intensity. The dictionary says - exceptionally great concentration, power or force.  Then I recalled playing basketball as a young man, when finally after years of practice and playing I could make a move to the hoop with power.   Why this arrived in my mind then I have no idea, but I sensed I was onto something.

Making a power move in basketball while intense required control, strength, grace and intent. Mind and body connected for one purpose.  Now apply this to guitar.  Release the power of the piece being played.  Perhaps think of it in terms of energy - release the energy of the piece, using right effort.  Even release the emphasis on the hands while playing.  Let the whole body, mind and soul play the notes.

How to access this power?  How to find the power without tension and find it consistently?

I began working with a few musical phrases, then moved onto the piece Senseless Loss.   Using the Alexander Technique directions I had a good sense of my body but something was missing.  How might I apply Missy Vineyard's Negative Directions?  The obvious one was I am not playing with power.  Then recalling that the basketball move required my whole body I played with directing I am not playing with my whole body.  Progress was being made here.  What I have noticed in the past and once again today with negative directions, is that something happens in the brain.

I can not explain what it is, a disruption of habitual thinking, a different neural network kicking in or a combination of these and other aspects.  I do know that when I uses negative directions the body and mind behave differently.  In Alexandrian terms we are psychophysical beings. When the mind changes so does the body and vice versa.  By using AT principles I can work on my overall use, I can change.  More explorations to follow. Stay tuned.
   

Photo by Shaheen Lakhan

Ice Feathers

Ice Feathers was the title of a photo I used earlier this week.  Both the  photo and the title intrigued me.  While looking at the photo, I began improvising, reminding me of last years challenge proposed by  Sid Smith  of composing a piece of music inspired by photo's he had taken.  A possible introduction followed by an interesting progression had me notating what I'd found.  Revisiting the idea the past three days, my interest has been sustained but the idea was not taking off either.

I returned to this idea yesterday after undertaking the previously described work on Forgive Me.  I was primed by the energy.  I played around with the structure of the introduction.  Back & forth, maybe, maybe not.  So I played with the progression.  This became increasingly interesting musically, but while the rhythmic feel of it was compelling, something else was needed.

Watching yet another snowfall in our backyard, I played with my fingers on the strings.  Just caressing them, wondering about them.  Each snowflake uses only the energy needed to reach the ground and no more.  What was the energy needed to move this piece along?  Watching the snow I held the musical questions of this piece.  Playing the beginning again, an idea flew by and I followed.  Liking what I heard I played around with the idea and extended it.  Slowly the energy was building.

Time for my afternoon walk, especially to relish in the snowfall.  As I walked I played the piece in my mind, searching for where we might go together.  Nothing.  Walking the snow covered streets and hearing the idea again.  Hearing a slight change arise, I kept walking, kept listening.  Another idea arose, one I could not really hear, but I understood the gist of the rhythmic change.  Arriving home I played with these ideas and may have found an ending. 

As I shoveled once again, I thought of those lovely snow flakes that used only the amount needed to land on Earth.  Could I use only the amount needed to move this snow and possibly have some energy left to play some more?

Photo by Hannah Edwards

When Snow and Notes Fall

I was watching a beautiful snow fall this afternoon.  Thoughts about practicing guitar arose and were countered with - I did have a good practice this morning.  True, but I was in a great place, which is always a good time to practice.  Besides I thought I could practice looking out the window as the snow fell.

And it was beautiful - watching snow without concern, while playing.  Can I release the notes as effortlessly, beautifully and uniquely as each snowflake?  Just as the snow cascades from the sky, may the notes release from my guitar with rhythm and space amongst them.  May they blanket the ears of the listener as gracefully as the snow caresses the trees and grass.  May my notes resonate after they have landed continuing to inspire, change, and add to the life of the listener.  May I be as silent as the Heavens from which the snow and music descends.

Photo by Rabiem22