Gathered Hearts

Yesterday was my Brother's Birthday - the first born.  I meditated on my parents within me and felt their joy on this day 69 years ago.  My young proud Father beaming - it's a boy, it's a boy;  My Son.  Cigar smoke wafting with joy; the incense of the working class of Southeast Baltimore.  Life.  Life.

Impermanent, yet ongoing.  Nourish the dearth of death with one more conscious breath.  Touch the life of those around I remind myself.

Now.

I played Gathered Hearts for them; for me.  Then I called my sister-in-law to see how she was doing.

Photo by Dan DeLuca

Tuning to Joy

Bringing order to the shelves in my practice studio.  Memories abound as I shift books, files, CD-R's, cassettes, & floppies around.  A stack of photo's & cards from some other unresolved encounter with entropy grab my attention.  One particularly favorite photo is of my granddaughter and I on a karoake stage in Penang, Malaysia.  So much joy captured in this photo, as we were playing around on this empty stage with enough vigor that you might believe we were actually performing until you notice there is no mic plugged into the cables.  In a sense we were performing though, for the camera and for the rest of our family.   Entering into a creative moment with what talent we had and plenty of innocence, joy and love in our delivery.

May I carry this day onto the stage with me again and again.  One thing from my experience as a performer and as a listener, is that when the heart is tuned to higher aspirations, everything changes.  How to tune my heart remains an ongoing practice.  How to touch the innocence and sincerity of a child and tune my concerns to these wavelengths?  How to be spontaneous and free in my playing?  How to bask in the sunshine of love?  A wise man once told me to begin where you are.  Breathing in ...

Finding Joy, Allowing Joy

A very busy weekend, filled with much joy being with my family, friends, & sangha. Then last night I attended a memorial service for an old friend. He lived a good life, was loved, and helped others in their lives. Today I attended a funeral service for a colleague's mother. Much sadder, bringing back memories of my own Mother and the loss I still feel 25 years after her passing. I returned to work, and the regular situations and challenges were just a bit tougher on me today. I was relieved as I made my journey home.

After dinner, we took a walk along Sligo Creek. We had the path to ourselves as this had been a dark, dreary, & rainy day. I needed to hear the Creek singing her song, the crickets singing theirs, and the leaves rustling in the wind. Slowly my mood elevated. Returning home I filed my right hand nails as they were getting to long to be useful as a guitarist.

Being not quite ready to practice I decided to see if there was an older post from this blog that would guide my practice. I rarely do this, but tonight thought there might be something there. I found this post on Disrupting Habit from March. And then I knew how to begin my practice. I picked up on working with bringing my hands to the guitar after giving the AT directions to lengthen. I played with this a bit and then brought both of my hands to the guitar simultaneously.  This was once my habit that David Jernigan had disrupted in the spring. This action now had a different quality to it or perhaps this was another case of my faulty perception. I began playing with arpeggios at random and then suddenly began playing the first piece of music I ever had come through me. This was full of joy and exactly what I needed to continue shifting my emotional state.

Some more AT work with my hands and then onto playing Gathered Hearts . I just enjoyed the act of playing. The world became lighter. I moved on to improvising in C Hijaz and then took a break to write this post. Finding the joy of playing and allowing this joy to spread is important. The world may be dark. But no matter how dense the clouds on your darkest night, the moon, the stars, the entire cosmos - both inner and outer are available to us. My question remains - am I available?

Three Lie Down Practice

Came home tired from work today. Even though monday is my usual night off from guitar practice, I wanted and needed to play tonight. I began with my Qi Gong stretches. Tonight my focus was to be on the joy of playing, much like I ended with last night. In fact I thought it might be a good exercise for me to let go of playing this week when I noticed the joy was missing.

Once noticed I would have the opportunity to direct my attention to manifesting joy. As I write this I am cringing internally about making this public. Always a good sign to make the commitment and see where this takes me.

After warming up my hands I played through some older works. Aware that my back was tired I grabbed my books and hit the floor for a lie down. The initial tightening in my back behind my chest gave way to relaxation. After 10 minutes I was refreshed and returned to review more pieces.

A break to assist Joann with something and back to the guitar. After another 15 minutes I noticed my back was tight again. So back to the floor again. Again the tightness that seems to live in that section of my back was there and intensified only to let go. Amazing that all I need do is lie down on the floor with my head supported by paperbacks and the muscles relax.

Back to the guitar again, gently. Looking at two of the new pieces, striving to maintain a sense of my body. Aware of my head and feet. Playing with the notes, seeing where they might like to go. How gently could I "play with' the strings? Toyed with this focusing on the lightness of my playing. I knew that the way to complete my practice this evening was with a final lie down.

Some tension in my usual spot but less than the two previous times. Perhaps this will be the focus of my practice this week. I suspect that joy will support my relaxation and my relaxation will support the joy of playing.

Stay tuned!