Tired, very tired. When I began to play tonight, I just launched into Here We Are. No warm up, no directing of my thinking, no intentions nor plan about my practice session, just playing the piece. As I continued the thought arrived "I am not holding onto anything as I play." There it was, plain and simple - a negative Alexander Technique direction that I continued to come back to.
As I used this direction I noticed that my body was staying loose as was my attitude towards my playing. Not holding onto anything included my notions about what it means to play a piece; my underlying inspirations and conceptions about a given piece, and any concern as to how I was doing what I was doing. Instead I was just playing. So simple but so difficult for me. But after years of 'just sitting,' perhaps something is shifting. But I'll not hold onto that concept either.
An after thought.
When I woke this morning I recalled that at the end of my practice a beautiful possible intro arrived. I played with this idea a few minutes and as the hour was getting late, I decided to tape what I had for later reflection. With the recorder running, the idea fell apart. After three attempted beginnings I recalled that I was not holding onto anything as I play and let it go.