Not Lying Down

This afternoon I was researching and expanding upon some of my previous writings on  the Alexander Technique on Negative Directions.  As I moved to practice guitar, I decided a lie down was in order.  Settling into the floor and thinking about my body, I decided to use I am not doing a lie down.  A twist on directing that I have not played with previously.  Holding this thought a bit,  I then moved to I am not lengthening my arms, not widening my back and not releasing my pelvis.  Going through my body but directing to not release.  My mind quickly quieted with this experiment.  I wondered if I'd notice anything different.  The area of my back behind the chest which usually releases a bit during a lie down did not have the sudden release I've become accustomed to of late.  Not sure why this did not happen, but I did notice.

Continuing with the experiment as I went to get off the floor I directed  I am not getting up.  Which led to I am not walking to my guitar and I am not opening my case.  My awareness spread as I was not opening my guitar case.  Nor was I standing and playing notes as I was not standing on the Earth.  Neither was I recording my practice and I was not afraid of misplaying a particular part.  Shortly after this I noticed I was tightening my jaw as another difficult section was coming.  I paused and directed I am not holding my jaw when I play.  I noticed this jaw tightening two other times during my session.  Now I wonder how much this may be part of my playing and will look for this in the coming days.

While practicing Qi Gong during a break from playing I directed I am not holding onto my energy.  As I returned to the guitar I laughed as I began thinking I do not know how to play!  The freedom in my use generated by these experiments with negative directions today was palpable.  What causes this quieting of the mind and an introduction of ease in my body continues to mystify and intrigue me. 

Photo by Ed Utham

A New Take on Listening

This afternoon I attended a performance that is part of the 66th American Music Festival - Personal Visions at the Nation Gallery of Art in Washington, DC.  Here was the program:

 

 JACK Quartet
Eric Huebner, pianist
David Felder, guest composer Lewis Nielson, guest composer
Morton Feldman (1926 – 1987) Intermission I (1950)
Lewis Nielson (b. 1950)
Le Journal du Corps (2010)*
Roger Reynolds (b. 1935) imagE/piano (2007)*
David Felder
Stuck-stücke for String Quartet (2007, revised 2008)*
Stefan Wolpe
Form for Piano (1959)*
John Zorn (b. 1953) The Dead Man (1990)* 


The Feldman, Reynolds, and Wolpe works were for solo piano, and the other works String Quartets performed by the Jack Quartet.  Challenging music at times, played with superb musicality in a lovely setting. My ears relish the opportunity to hear new live music, especially pieces I may never have a chance to hear live again.  Of course sometime the pieces are a challenge to listen to, but today for me these works all had that magic within.  

Le Journal du Corps by Lewie Nielson used the String Quartet in very imaginative, almost playful ways.  I had my eyes closed for a few minutes at the beginning and then began to watch the performers.  As I watched, I heard myself saying how could anyone hear this kind of music, let alone be able to notate it for others.  I was mesmerized at the technical abilities of the players and their concentration.  And I became distracted, now unable to listen.  What had happened?  The wandering chatter also happens when I'm practicing at times, and throughout my life.

But here I was listening to an amazing effort, all that was required was to listen and I was not.  Thinking of the Alexander Technique and my recent and ongoing experiments with "negative directions" I told myself.  I am not listening to this piece of music.  By the third direction, the mind had quieted.  I closed my eyes taking in this art for the ears.  A couple more times during the performance the direction was used again.  So simple. So powerful.  May I continue to quiet the voices and be able to respond.

Photo by Bill Strain

Questioning My Practice

    While organizing some piles of paper these past days, I twice found the question on different papers "does playing with intensity have to involve muscular tension?" If I've written it down twice, this question must arise frequently enough to need attention, Last night I decided to address this question in my next practice.  What does "playing with intensity" mean?  I thought I knew, but as I looked at this question today, I quickly became unclear.  When I play, I am releasing sound. Then what does it mean to release sound with intensity?  Is it volume, emotion or both, even more?

As I began my practice I looked to answer this question.  An answer was not arriving and I was not sure that one would.  The word intensity seems to imply tension, but then tension gets in the way of playing.  Perhaps I need to better define intensity. The dictionary says - exceptionally great concentration, power or force.  Then I recalled playing basketball as a young man, when finally after years of practice and playing I could make a move to the hoop with power.   Why this arrived in my mind then I have no idea, but I sensed I was onto something.

Making a power move in basketball while intense required control, strength, grace and intent. Mind and body connected for one purpose.  Now apply this to guitar.  Release the power of the piece being played.  Perhaps think of it in terms of energy - release the energy of the piece, using right effort.  Even release the emphasis on the hands while playing.  Let the whole body, mind and soul play the notes.

How to access this power?  How to find the power without tension and find it consistently?

I began working with a few musical phrases, then moved onto the piece Senseless Loss.   Using the Alexander Technique directions I had a good sense of my body but something was missing.  How might I apply Missy Vineyard's Negative Directions?  The obvious one was I am not playing with power.  Then recalling that the basketball move required my whole body I played with directing I am not playing with my whole body.  Progress was being made here.  What I have noticed in the past and once again today with negative directions, is that something happens in the brain.

I can not explain what it is, a disruption of habitual thinking, a different neural network kicking in or a combination of these and other aspects.  I do know that when I uses negative directions the body and mind behave differently.  In Alexandrian terms we are psychophysical beings. When the mind changes so does the body and vice versa.  By using AT principles I can work on my overall use, I can change.  More explorations to follow. Stay tuned.
   

Photo by Shaheen Lakhan

New Variations in Alexander Technique Negative Directions

          While practicing this evening, I paused to direct my thinking with the basic Alexander Technique directions.  Directing forward & up, long & wide.  I noticed that I was "shortening" my right arm and that the right shoulder was in some type of funny position.  How do I get this way?  Wondering if this goes back to that young boy trying to write cursive that I recalled a couple posts ago while working with AT.

Then the negative direction - I am not concerned with my playing when I play arrived.  Perfect.  Just play, work on the rough sections of the new piece.  Release into the unconcerned. Abandon any concerns with my playing or my process.

After a short break, I moved onto the second piece I'll be recording on Sunday that still is not complete.  Suddenly this arrived - I am not concerned with completing this piece.  Amen.  Freedom to continue to explore what is available.  Nothing to be concerned with.  Just play, play without concern.  And dare I say - don't fret?

Free to Be Curious

Before practicing this evening I read this blog post by Jennifer Roig-Francoli called An Exercise in Moving From Our Curiosity.  She began with remembering we are free, then arousing our curiosity, and then allowing the eyes to lead the head, the spine, and the limbs into movement.  I played with this before I picked up my guitar case.  Picking up my case with awareness gave rise to the next curious question - what will the clasps sound like as I open the case?  Can I imagine this sound I've heard thousands of time?  Sensing I was onto something I began writing this post after those two questions arose.

Pausing to reflect on what to type next I become curios about how am I sitting at my computer?  Which led to me to listening to the act of typing - different rhythms, variations in tone and dynamics.  Must all 'periods' be done with greater force relative to rest of the typing?  Will I ever get to open the case?

As I stood before the case I played with Opening the Three Energy Gates, a Qi Gong exercise.  Coming back to my thought of freedom, I became curious about the act of opening the case. Then the negative direction " I am not free" arrived from nowhere.   I smiled as I noticed a slight release in my legs and torso.  Listening as the case opened I heard the soft sound of the strings coming  to life as the lid moved about.  The two staccato notes that sounded a I removed the humidifier from between the strings was suddenly delightful.  I heard my footfalls as I approached my stool, the slight squeak elicited as I settled in. 

I took in the space around me, finding the thought of freedom again, I aroused my curiosity about what does my spine do as I move my hands to the guitar?   I have no idea, but this arousing thought heightened my awareness.  Free & curios I let my eyes land on the neck of the guitar and then my hands followed.  Beginning with an improvisation, I just let the hands go.  Listening, returning to the thought of freedom and being curious what this means to me.

I began playing through a piece and became lost.  Again I was playing and became lost.  I decided to take Jennifer's exercise and twist it with a sense of Missy Vineyard's negative directions:

I am not free.
I am not curious.
I am not allowing my spine to be free.

I came back to the I am not curious, a very strange sense of curiosity about how this affected my thinking and subsequent movement arose.  Even now as I entertain this thought,  a release upward occurs.  I began to play again.   Lost another time.  I paused and let this go, but wondered why after arriving in such a rich place was I getting so lost?  I had a glimpse of ease and freedom that is possible from this place, a glimpse that is not foreign to me, yet remains elusive.  More to practice and I am curious to see where this goes.  

Not Holding On

Tired, very tired.  When I began to play tonight, I just launched into Here We Are.  No warm up, no directing of my thinking, no intentions nor plan about my practice session, just playing the piece.  As I continued the thought arrived "I am not holding onto anything as I play."  There it was, plain and simple - a negative Alexander Technique direction that I continued to come back to.

As I used this direction I noticed that my body was staying loose as was my attitude towards my playing.  Not holding onto anything included my notions about what it means to play a piece;  my underlying inspirations and conceptions about a given piece, and any concern as to how I was doing what I was doing.  Instead I was just playing.  So simple but so difficult for me.  But after years of 'just sitting,' perhaps something is shifting.  But I'll not hold onto that concept either.

An after thought. 

When I woke this morning I recalled that at the end of my practice a beautiful possible intro arrived. I played with this idea a few minutes and as the hour was getting late, I decided to tape what I had for later reflection.  With the recorder running, the idea fell apart. After three attempted beginnings I recalled that I was not holding onto anything as I play and let it go.

I Am Not A Student of the Alexander Technique.

A difficult beginning to my guitar work tonight.  Too much chatter as I was playing through a piece just to reconnect with it.  I moved on to review Stepping Stones which I have not played in weeks.  I was having problems cleanly executing some of the opening passages when I returned to working with inhibitory or negative directions.  Employing "I am not holding onto myself", I then returned to "I am not a guitarist" as I have found much freedom with this combination.

Then out of nowhere, the thought I am not a student of the Alexander Technique arrived.  I held this for a bit and explored playing the opening passages some more.  As I continued to hold this something was definitely shifting in my body.  Perhaps years of "trying" to get it right was being let go.  I was just sitting on a chair with guitar in hand.  No position was being assumed,  and my body was just responding to the directions in a different way that yet felt right.

I took a break to do an AT lie down.  While on the floor I continued with "I am not a student ..."  From there I moved to "I do not know how to use my arms."  As I lay there on the floor with this thought the release of unnecessary tension in my right arm was noticeable.  I am not sure what happens within the mind body system when these "negative directions" arrive but I do know that something happens.  Something within the system is shifting.

I returned to the guitar working with these two directions.  Just as I began to play, a bit of chatter erupted in my mind.  I replaced this with the thought of "I am not a performer."  The mind quieted and the playing was beautiful. I think there is fertile area for me to explore these further in the coming evenings.

Stay Tuned.

When You Least Expect It

 

I arrived home from work today tired, but in a relatively relaxed mood.  I was certainly ready to play my guitar.  I began working with Missy Vineyard's Inhibitory Directions for which I have gained an even greater appreciation for by working with her book How You Stand, How You Move, How You Live: Learning the Alexander Technique to Explore Your Mind-Body Connection and Achieve Self-Mastery.

I was working with not holding on and not playing the guitar.  Working for brief periods of time so as to maintain my focus, I was ready after one of my short breaks to return to the guitar.  Instead I chose to do a lie down. I was amazed at the tension I was holding in my back, particularly the middle portion of my back.  Once again illustrating how difficult accurately being aware of my use is.  When I returned to the guitar, it was if a was a new man.  Working with the AT directions again as I played I took a break to begin writing this. Wondering if it was indeed time for another lie down before I returned to the guitar again, I decided to go ahead and play.

After playing for just a few minutes, the thought about doing another lie down returned again.  Trusting my thinking, I chose to embrace the idea and hit the floor.  Again, I was surprised at the level of tension present.  I know I need to pay better attention to how I use myself when I type, and now the proof was in my back.  Refreshed I returned to the guitar.  Deciding to improvise, a fun idea arrived.  Playing with this for a while I then completed my practice.

A bit amazed that both times before I hit the floor to do the AT lie down, I felt fine.  Yet both times the presence of unnecessary tension was revealed.  Obviously I have more practice ahead of me, as I learn to use myself with the Alexander Technique.

And so it goes...

I Am Not Determined

Today is the third day of a five day commitment I made on the fly Thursday morning to further investigate Alexander Technique Negative Directions.  Since I have been playing with using AT in this manner, a new ease has entered my body for longer and longer periods of time.  Additional catalysts have been provided by the Bill Conable workshop two weeks ago and weekly classes with David Jernigan.  Throughout the course of my day I am increasingly finding myself pausing briefly to use inhibit what I am doing and release unnecessary tension with the simple use of "I am not (fill in the blank.)" These so called Inhibitory or Negative Directions were first postulated in Missy Vineyards excellent book How You Stand, How You Move, How You Live: Learning the Alexander Technique to Explore Your Mind-Body Connection and Achieve Self-Mastery

For my five day commitment I decided that I would spend 20 minutes per day beginning with the direction "I am not playing the guitar," and then respond to where this took me.  With my guitar in the stand before me, I sit quietly for a few moments and begin silently giving the direction to myself of "I am not tensing my neck."  From there I move on to the direction of I am not playing the guitar.   I notice slight releases of my muscles in various parts of my body as I do nothing but hold this thought. As the mind quiets more I than take my guitar.  While holding the guitar but still not playing any notes, I again begin to hold the direction "I am not playing the guitar."  After a couple of minutes while keeping part of my attention on forward and up, I begin to play.  Sometimes just a few notes, others a few bars.  Then back to the direction of I am not playing ...

I pause the playing when my mind begins to chatter, or I notice I am tightening in my back, neck, or often my right leg.  Somehow negative directions are clearing out habitual thinking patterns that precede my movement.  And just like in the hands of an AT teacher they reset my system, allowing me an opportunity to move in the manner in which I was created.

Tonight I began in the manner already described and then took this session beyond twenty minutes and off in a variety of directions.  Part of why I took the work beyond the 20 minutes is that I am working with a piece of music I am learning, not something that I already play.  In particular I was working with a difficult section of this piece.  I did take frequent breaks during my practice to keep my attention fresh and my body in a state that I did not aggravate my injury.

When I returned at one point the reliable "monkey mind" was back and disruptive.  Pausing I came up with "I am not thinking while playing."  Slowly my focus returned and I moved onto "I am not playing effortlessly." Mind you I was not forcing my playing, but as I probe the use of negative directions, I have found that my brain does understand more than I realize and by introducing this thought, I somehow move closer to effortless playing.  I have uses this direction for the past week and am noticing positive results.

Having isolated the section where the piece needed work to progress as a whole, I settled in.  In a moment of exasperation I arrived at "I am not playing this part well."  As if scripted, I then played the part beautifully.  Of course one pass does not make for a reliable technique, but I knew I was on the way.  I took another break and then returned to this section.

As this part come under control I then lengthened the amount of music on either side of the problem part.  I was beginning to tire and  just could not play well.  I noticed I was beginning to tighten my jaw a bit and saw that determined part of Patrick that will delve into end gaining.  What to do I thought?  "I am not determined" arrived and I let go of practicing.  A short walk along the rain swollen Sligo Creek provided a lovely sonic back drop to work with "I am not walking."

And so it goes.

Restoration

My system was out of balance, what to do?  Alexander Technique lie down of course. This simple effective practice allows the unnecessary tensions to leave me.  From this restored perspective I can begin again.  So much suffering at work these days.  Without a path that transforms suffering, I would be totally lost.  So I breath, direct my thinking, and get out my guitar.

My right elbow was irritated during my sleep last night, so I proceeded slow and gentle with my practice.  Sitting with the guitar and using the negative direction of I am not playing the guitar, I allowed my body to take in these thoughts.  A few bars and then I let go of playing.  More direction, a few bars and let go.  This continued to 15 minutes and then a break.

I was ready to let go altogether but then a twitter friend was seeking motivation to practice.  Offering support, I went back to practice.  Working with allowing my arm to have its' length, I continued to experiment with the aforementioned negative directions and enjoyed 2 - 25 minute sessions.  The magic of vibrating strings have revived my spirits.  Tomorrow is another day, if I wake. 

Searching For the Question

Sometimes I need to take a journey into the unknown.  Lately much of my travels into the unknown have been through the Alexander Technique.  Certainly this is not a bad place to question and investigate for my long term musical health.  But then sometimes, there is an urge - for something new, something different.

Yesterday I played with the negative direction of "I am not a guitarist" again.  A slight stripping away of pretense and permission for myself to not move right into an established mode.  I followed this with "I am not a composer."  Certainly I am not trained in a traditional music school, yet I do create and perform my own works.  For the sake of being open to change, to life, I continued to direct my thinking away from any usual pattern of thinking and using myself.

Then the intention formed - To create a love song.

I had fun exploring what arrived yesterday, and returned to this tonight.  Something was missing though.  What was missing?  Come back to my body, find my feet, release my length.  Revel in the good news that the search had begun.  The decision to go and embrace uncertainty, wade through the muck, and be in the process.  Breathing in, I let go of yesterdays idea, and began again.  Breathing out I explored.  Then a triad built on fourths, followed by another appeared; and I heard what was there.

A musical question, one of intrigue and this question was pulling me along.  I played this 30 seconds of notes for my wife and she heard it also.  I was off.  Listening to the question and searching for an answer.  And then another one.  Reformulate the question and listen, search, and listen once again.  A form was found and the ideas taped.  Now to rest, to listen again tomorrow.  To search, to question, and to listen; ready to let go and step out into the unknown again.

What questions await me?  What questions await thee?

Releasing One Small Habit

When I woke on Monday, there was a familiar tightness in the area of the right elbow.  A stiffness was present in part of the right side of my neck and as I moved my arms about, a tightness in  a muscle of the upper right arm.  Some position I had assumed during my sleep had aggravated the muscles and tendons that comprise my condition of "tennis elbow."

Part of the great relief from the Bill Conable workshop on Saturday was having this situation alleviated.  Now I knew it was possible to have freedom in my right arm, I had experienced this on Saturday and Sunday.   So what to do?   I needed to pay attention to my whole use of myself and to direct my thinking.

That morning at work, I sat in front of my computer.  I noticed a slight pulling in the right side of my neck.  Pausing to observe, my head was slightly tilted to the right as I looked at the monitor, pulling & shortening this area of my neck.  Meanwhile my right arm was also "shortening" to accommodate my relationship to the keyboard.  Later while carrying a few sheets of paper back to my office, I noticed that my right arm was "shortening" again.  Back at my desk, I went to close my right hand and saw that when I would go to close the hand there was a "pulling back" of the arm and a slight "scrunching" of the right shoulder.

Carrying a cup of coffee with elbow bent, I again saw this "shortening."  Is this a result of strategy I developed to "protect"the injury?  More likely this is a pattern of use that has been unconscious to me and contributed to the injury.  I took this information to my Alexander Technique session with David Jernigan last night.  Through the use of his hands and suggestions my freedom in this area was once again restored.  The possibility of this habit of shortening being let go is real, but I need to cultivate the awareness to allow this to manifest.

When I came home I went to play guitar.  Pausing to direct my thinking,  I came back several times to my arms are long.  Thinking about my recent work with negative directions, the thought "I am not a short guy" arrived.  Laughing as my 6'4" frame played with this direction.

In the 45 minutes that I have been writing this, I have paused several times to notice how I was using myself at the computer.  In taking the opportunity to direct my thinking and introduce a small measure of freedom I have noticed small scrunchings  and tweakings of myself and let them go.  But habits are persistent and as my awareness withdraws from my use, the habits reassert themselves.  As Thomas Jefferson said "The price of freedom in constant vigilance."  I have my work cut out for me.

. . . . . . . . . . ... I Am Not

 

A nap.

I really wanted a nap.

But it was late.

Too late to nap.

I must play my guitar, I must.

Because the nap would lead to me staying in  bed the rest of this day.

But first.

A Blessed AT lie down.

Played with a lie down in the prone position.

Using Missy Vineyards instructions.

This opened up something new.

Playing with AT directions.

Misdirecting my mind to allow freedom.

I am not playing the guitar.

And I did not.

I was not even holding a guitar.

Finding my center.

I am not holding my neck.

And I Am

Forward, up,     wide.

And then again. 

Lightly bringing

Different & various combinations,

of one hand or both and then again.

To the space where I am not playing guitar.

Finally

My guitar

Graces my body.

Quiet 

Body

Mind 

Strings.

 I allow my hands to float to the guitar.

As if driven by ocean currents.

I am not playing my guitar.

Moving hands.

Quieting mind.

Finding my center again,

and again.

Finally notes sing.

As I sing with them.

Boldly.

Uncharacteristically

BOLD.

The act of singing like this requires

Most of my attention.

And my hands play on.

I come to an end.

Pause.

Inhibit.

Think more negative directions.

I am not compressing myself.

And voila,

I was not.

More playing, 

More Alexander Technique.

More quiet.

More not playing while playing.

I am not a slave to my practice.

Another lie down.

First semi-supine.

Then prone.

More quiet.

Then this 

not playing Gathered Hearts 

A break w/out my nap.

Energized

Happy

Ready for more.

I am not holding my neck.

The setting sun

Silhoutes my shoulders, neck and head.

On the brick wall.

I am not doing the Alexander Technique.

But

It just may be

Doing me.

More playing.

More directing.

And now

A long big nap.

Negating Up

While waiting for someone at work today, the thought arose - I am not holding myself down.  Smiling as I saw a possible way around the often confusing "forward and up" of Alexander lingo.  I have used the direction  "allow my neck to be free in such a way that mu head is forward and up ..." for years.  And I still will, but there is something fresh about finding and exploring negative directions.  Jumping about Missy Vineyards book  I see she is very much concerned with her students developing spatial awareness by simplifying the AT directions.  From what I have garnered from others more experienced in the teaching and application of AT she is the first one to use "negative directions."

In the few instances I have directed "I am not holding myself down," I sense a lightness and easing upwards of my torso, while maintaining a connection with my feet.  Taking this one step further with "I am not holding myself back" as the negative corollary to "forward" I also found that I was not attempting to "do anything" in response to the "holding myself back" direction.   There is also another sense inherent in "not holding myself back" that could serve me well musically. 

I am practicing in a room that has a beautiful oval mirror which captures my torso from my navel to the top of head.  Framed in this manner within the oval gives me a great sense of width to complement the spatial relationships I am playing with.  Feeling light and free as I play guitar tonight. So onwards with playing with the AT directions and assesing the results.

Be in the Space

Grateful tonight for simple conveniences such as lights and air conditioning after having done without the past two days. As I was taking my guitar out of the case I had a wish - May I be in the space where I am practicing.  So simple, yet so difficult to just be where I am.  To be alive in the space I am living in this moment.  Using the Alexander Technique principle of inhibition, I paused and directed my thinking, rather than just allowing my habitual responses to having a guitar in my hands to arise.

Using the negative direction of "I am not compressing my neck," I then moved on to "I am not playing the guitar."  From these thoughts and then thinking forward, up, and wide, I took in the space that has been offered to me tonight.  Enjoying the sound of my guitar in a different room, while lightly thinking to keep myself free.

Slowly the thought of "I am not playing the guitar," is offering glimpses of non-doing as I play.  While singing the bass notes of a tremolo piece as I played, I entered the piece in a new way; perhaps I entered the space within the piece.  Hearing what is possible for this piece and realizing I do not need to think about what the music means, but rather to play the meaning.  Slowly, ever so slowly, I learn.

Waves of Change

I am not compressing myself as I type is the direction that just manifested as I moved toward beginning this blog post.  So easy to become lost when catching up with email, Facebook, etal after having lost power at home due to nasty storms in this area Friday night.  Wishing that I could have again began my day with a dip in the Atlantic Ocean and Qi Gong in the surf but alas live moves on.

I have found that vacations at the beach is a wonderful opportunity for me to devote more time to all the pursuits in my life that nourish me.  Meditation, Qi Gong, exercise, music, and the Alexander Technique coupled with an environment that inspires hope and joy throughout the day.  Awed by the sheer immensity of the Ocean, I am invited back to the present moment.  How can I not be inspired to think "up" when the sky is so beautiful? How can I not be inspired to think "forward" when I have time to reflect, nourish, and be with the people who mean the most to me? Allowing the stress and strain of everyday life to float away, while allowing waves of reflection to fill my day.  How can I not think "Wide" when the horizon is nothing but life sustaining water? Not only the ocean of unimaginable width, but also of a length that spans between continents and is not "fixed" in a position?

As my arm reaches through the water, I notice my length as I swim.  Floating I sense my spine, subtly shifting and adjusting to the energy of the ocean moving about me.  My sense of the space about me heightened.  A space that is alive with energy and life forms I can not sense.  The ocean expands me as I respond to the moments of it's waves.  I like to stand in chest high water and while directing up allow my hands to float up as if I were playing the guitar. I have been playing with AT in the waves like this for years.

This past week, I have added the negative direction - I am not playing the guitar, as I play with my arms in this manner in the sea.  Part of the beauty of this experiment with bringing my arms up in the ocean is that due to the waves constantly pushing against and shifting my feet and torso, I can not being my hands up in a habitual manner.  The ocean's inhibition of my habitual use of this action is light, fun, and free.  After several days of this, I introduced the thought - I am playing the guitar, while bringing my hands up through the surf.   Just enjoying the possibilities and being open to this inquisitively playful experiment positively impacting how I actually do play the guitar.   Smiling, floating, and continuing to direct as the waves splash about me. Ahh, wishing I was back there now, but grateful for where I am.

In the  evening, when I approached my guitar I thought of how might I incorporate these experiments of movement in the ocean with how I bring my hands and arms to the guitar.  I found myself thinking, now how did that feel?  Laughing as I saw once again the trap we all fall into when applying the Alexander Technique, perhaps more clearly this time than ever before.  I do not need to access what the "freedom" felt like, but to access that thinking that led to this freedom.  To pause, inhibit, and then direct my thinking.  Currently my use of negative directions is bearing fruit.  I am finding that introducing the " traditional" AT directions, after the negative directions for instance - I am not compressing myself - offers a different and perhaps clearer path to my movement freedom.

The search terms I used in searching for a photo to accompany this post also turned up photos of ice.  Chuckling as I thought may my movements be like waves of freedom, not stuck in my habitual frozen patterns.  I wish this for all of you also.  How are you experimenting and introducing change with the Alexander Technique?

Negating History

Continuing to explore the use of "negative directions" within the Alexander Technique and how this may influence how I use myself.  Yesterday while reviewing an older musical idea I arrived at "I am not holding on to my history."  How might this apply to AT?  How might it apply to my musical pursuits?  How might this "not holding on to my history" apply to my life? 

Currently I am on vacation, which many times in the past means that I have time to explore new musical ideas.  I was torn about reviewing an older idea that has merit but which is incomplete.  So why the hesitancy, just because I am on vacation.   This was when the " I am not holding on to my history," arrived.  As I have worked with this direction over the past two days, I also see how this might penetrate my actual physical use.  A subtle shift in the thinking aspect of what Alexander refers to as our physcophysical function.  What "history" of mine might lead to the manifestation of physical tension? Where might the tension then lead my thinking, reinforcing my historical use of my whole self?

So the application of a simple thought, may crack the door open, revealing a possibility of a different relationship to space.  Today I added "I am not a guitarist" to these oblique directions.  The "not a guitarist" was being complemented by being open to constantly shifting plans that kept me away from the guitar.  Back to the music of life.  How I live one small part of my life, affects all the parts of my life.  Paying attention to the needs and desires of loved ones that support my life is no cause for turmoil over less time than originally anticipated for practice.

When I did practice in the late hours of the evening, the fruits of releasing my history and my expectations resulted in spirited improvisations and the joy of running through a few pieces.
As T. S. Elliot said "History is servitude.  History is freedom."  For me the conundrum resides in making the choices that allow for the release from the servitude of habits which lead to the freedom of making new choices.  Slowly, with gentle persistence, a different way of thinking evolves and supports a different way of movement.  One based on understanding and allowing the body to move from the whole structure, supported, free, and connected.

The Simplest Direction Yet

Last night I was working on a tremolo piece.  I had turned the metronome down to 56 bpm and then brought it back to 60.  After working at this tempo, I decided to move to 64.  I noticed a slight but definite hunkering down in my upper torso as I began to play.  While pausing, the inhibitory or negative direction "I am not collapsing myself" arrived.  By continuing to gently invite this thought in while practicing, I was very aware of the space above me and around me.  My sense of up was "natural" and easy.  I continued to invite this thought in while watching the NBA Finals and once while waking at night.  So far this is a simple but powerful extension of my Alexander Technique work.

I just received notice this morning that my reserve copy of Missy Vineyards book is in, so I'll be able to explore her thoughts on negative directions further.

Improvised Directions

The summer solstice, our longest day of the year.  Suffice it to say that my dealings with business concerns today certainly felt very long, dark, and unending.  What to do when finally confronted with truth, after months of negotiated deceit?  Despair was looming, probably even fear.  Yet anger did not approach the surface.  A tinge of gratitude for the decent person who at possible personal cost, put an end to this calculated disaster.

Chocolate cake, ice cream, and conversation with my favorite person in the whole world certainly helped when I arrived home.  Reflection, letting go, and directing my thinking from dwelling in the muck allowed me to inch forward.  The laughter of children celebrating the solstice pointed me to faith in life.  Then, finally, I took my guitar from her case.  What to play?  Why play?  The latter easier to answer, because I know the act of playing almost always supports positive change  within me.  But what to play in this somewhat fragile state was important as I needed the support of what the guitar offers me, not the sometimes judgemental critic that can still arrive after all these years to dampen the playing.

I began to improvise, to stretch, to just see what might be there for me to find.  Then drawing upon my recent experiments with negative Alexander Technique directions I arrived at "I am not playing the guitar."  Smiling as I played,  just enjoying improvising, even noodling.  Noticing the hint of the judge arriving, I directed my thinking with "I am not playing any wrong notes."  Relief.  Twenty-five minutes later, having invited this thought back a few times, I let go of the playing.  Having tasted freedom, possibility, and a gentleness with myself I thought I might play a piece or two when I return to the guitar.  And then again, maybe I'll inhibit this notion and just see what arises.

Life is precious, too precious to allow this moment to slip away. Many thanks to Robert Rickover for the great work he does with the Body Learning podcast series on the Alexander Technique.  The podcast on Using Negative Alexander Technique Directions is well worth a couple listens and has been informing me for months. Hopefully tonight's use of Negative Directions was not too great a distortion but it sure was useful. Listen sooner rather than later.  Plenty of other very informative interviews there also.

Directed Freedom

Somewhere along the way of taking Alexander Technique lessons, I began directing my thinking when I got out of bed during the night.  Oftentimes I just trudge off into the night to take care of business, but when I remember to pause and direct, the connection with my relaxed self seems valuable.  Last night I woke, got out of bed, and gave myself the negative direction* of "I am not compressing my neck."  Simple and in some ways a bit easier to comprehend then the traditional AT directions.  A sense of connection from my head to my feet, had me begin walking as if an AT teacher had been working with me and was now guiding me to take my first steps.  Powerful moments of freedom, harmony and ease fostered by a simple directive thought.  I'm not sure that I have ever achieved this freedom of use so easily.  As David Jernigan pointed out in our AT class tonight, I did have the collective knowledge of all the previous times I have directed my thinking and been guided by various teachers at my disposal.  I am certain these past experiences did come to bear positively on these steps.

Later in the evening, I woke again.  When I got out of bed, I paused, but this time I began thinking about what did that feel like when I woke the last time.  Seasoned Alexandrians will notice that I was attempting to feel my way back into a freedom of use rather than, use the means whereby the earlier freedom had been obtained.  What happened to my thinking?  Noticing this I smiled, but the urgency of what had awakened me took precedence and I moved on.  Two different but vivid illustrations of the power of direction and how easy it was for me to forget to direct and attempt to access the feelings of the previous freedom. 

* Negative or Inhibitory Directions were put forth by Missy Vineyard and I have listened to two podcast by Robert Rickover on this subject.  My experiments with them are yielding positive results.  More on this in a later post.