Looking Within the Garden of the Mind

We are what we think. Are the stories I tell myself about life useful? Am I happy? Courageous? Productive? Look beyond the shadows these stories cast upon me and others. Plant new seeds in the garden of the mind. Changing thoughts shifts actions. New stories arise. Now is the time to begin. Am I listening Patrick? Are you?

Thinking About Thinking About Guitars

I am currently reading How the Body Knows its Mind by Sian Beilock which is about how the body impacts the mind as well as how the physical environment influences how we think & feel.  Some of this material has been touched on in other works I've read and some has a new twist on this.  There's also new information which is always a delight for me.  Over the years I've worked extensively with how my thinking can affect my body via the Alexander Technique and will continue to do so.  One of the reasons I picked up this book is that it was mentioned in an Alexander Technique group I'm in.  She devotes part of a chapter to the Alexander Technique.  Meditation has also greatly impacted how my mind and body relate to my emotions.  Qi Gong has introduced a greater harmony & awareness of my body in motion and how this impacts my being.

Today as I read this book on the beach after a swim in the Atlantic Ocean Beilock touched on how children learn by observing others.  Certainly over the years I've picked up subtle and straight forward information related to playing the guitar by observing other guitarists.  I've also affected my playing by directing my thinking with the Alexander Technique, usually with guitar in hand or certainly close at hand.

But what if I just visualized myself playing, not related to a specific piece, but just about how to play?  Thinking purely about the act of playing in a free and open manner.  My guitar elicits a strong response in me, sometimes even a reaction that can get in my way.  I want to hear her sound, sometimes need to hear her sound.  Hell I live to hear her sound.  But what if I took time each day to just think about playing.  Not thinking before playing and then playing, just thinking about playing. Preferably on a  beach or close to Sligo Creek or maybe in a temple or church.  Unburdened by the act of bringing my hands to the guitar.  Observing the motion of the Ocean and thinking of myself in motion.

Physics tells us that a body in motion tends to remain in motion.  Can I allow my whole body to move & support the playing, not be fixed in my hips or locked in my right elbow or have my feet grasping the floor?  Can I think of my arms moving light as feathers though the air and alighting on the guitar with ease and grace? I did today.  Dare I think of my spine as the support of my body which supports my brain, all in harmony in the here and now?  Can I not think about thinking about how to play guitar?  May the learning continue.

Photo by kawabezmleka

Clouds

                        

Clouds come and clouds go, my mind is a clear blue sky ...

Notes come and notes go, but where is my mind?  Am I present with myself, with the guitar, and with music?  What happens in those moments as I bring my hands to the instrument and the mind begins a slight chatter?  Over and over I find myself calm and centered and just as I go to play the opening notes the mind interferes?  Why does the mind begin to wander, imagine, or otherwise obstruct the act of music?

I sit on my stool and come into my body by observing my breath.  Releasing my neck to be free, my back long and wide, my legs free, and my shoulders wide I arrive in an optimum state to play.  Many times I do, but other times the mind interferes. Patience.  Practice.  Discipline.  Love.  Over and over again.  I am grateful for the improvement over the years. 

Photo by Prashant

Seek Freedom

A friend sent me an email today with the thought "We can choose our freedom." Can I?  Will I?  Going against habit is a continuous struggle.  Neuronal pathways polished by years or decades of poor choices, lack of knowledge, or misguided beliefs are still slick for the using.  As we make new choices, presumably better ones, to build more effective habits new pathways are forged.  Where do these pathways lie within our brains, nerve circuits and muscles?  How easily in a moment of inattention do we slip back into the old choice or habit?

When the emotions kick in mental clarity is muddied, somatic memories are invigorated and a subtle desperation to act is aroused.  Sometimes even to just get it over with. 

Meditation exercises the muscle of attention while slowing down the random chatter of the mind.  As the thinking stills, choice becomes possible.  Much better to pause, to think new thoughts, release the emotional energy and wait for clarity.  Rather than occupy our  ghost towns of the past,  choose to seek freedom.  As one good book has stated "seek and ye shall find."



Photo by Bureau of Land Management

Opportunities to Cultivate Freedom

Freedom is not given to us by anyone; we have to cultivate it ourselves. It is a daily practice... No one can prevent you from being aware of each step you take or each breath in and breath out. Thich Naht Hahn

During my morning sitting, I came into a relationship with my body.  Developing this relationship can take many forms.  This morning as I sensed my body, I began using the Alexander Technique directions.  Using these simple thoughts of allowing my neck to be free, my spine and back- long and wide, my shoulders wide, and my legs long to introduce freedom in my body.  I moved on to other aspects of my sitting practice and then towards the end of the sitting the Alexander Technique arose in my mind again.  Soon I will be standing.  How will I arrive there?  This is a basic activity we do every day, move from a seated position to standing.  This is also an activity addressed in ATclasses & lessons to illustrate and facilitate freedom in our movement.  The next question that arose was "how many times today will I get out of a chair?"

No idea.  What if I set myself the task of pausing before standing; come back to a relationship with myself, utilize the AT directions and move to standing with awareness?  Might I then step into more freedom throughout my day?  So far I have remembered twice and am soon to rise again, hopefully with awareness.  I'll leave a comment at days end as to how often I remembered.  There is no right answer.  The practice of cultivating of freedom, waking up in any moment, is what is pertinent.  Do to the nature of interbeing, as I cultivate this freedom, it will spread.

Photo by Tom Landretti.

Patterns

Patterns spiral in 

 Patterns spiral out.

What guides them?

Habit?

Ancestry?

Intention?

Are our patterns ornamental or fundamental?

Chosen?

Frozen?

Unknown?

Attend one volution fully

and the next step illumines.

Attend again with vigor

and a path has begun.

Spiral
in
 with
 attention.

Spiral

out


with


love.

Edge Thoughts

Edges are much   w i  d   e    r   than I think

The pull towards the edge, stronger than I know

Directed exposure

opens the edge

reveals the pull

makes dance

 possible

Why

wait

any longer?

Inhibit

Inhabit

 

Go wide

edge forward.

 

One Small Victory

I was going to slip in a short guitar session before dinner today, but decided first to read through a section of Missy Vineyards book dealing with the prefrontal cortex and inhibition.  As I read, I would pause and follow along with her thinking experiments.  Sitting in a chair with no guitar, I began to apply her thinking first to "not playing the guitar" but then decided to apply inhibitory thinking to my right arm & hand.  After 10 minutes or so, of gently playing with these thoughts of "forward & up to the prefrontal cortex" and not holding onto my arm, then my elbow, and then my hand, I returned to the whole arm again.  During this time I had a sense of my head on top of my spine and at times sense a lightness in my torso similar to what I believe she was describing.  My relationship to the room also appeared to change, a different sense of the space around me.

Then at one point, a muscle on the right side of the back of my neck let go.  Though I can not name this muscle, I know it since it has been sore at times of extended playing and/or typing.  Just a simple release of tension, certainly unnecessary tension as all I was doing was sitting, occasionally reading, and thinking inhibitory thoughts.  This muscle is part of the habit I named "The Lean" last week.  Could this muscle tensing be the cause of putting the system out of balance on my right side leading to the execution of "The Lean" as I move my arm into position to play?

Certainly a small victory in line with what Alexander said: "This is the principle of the whole work - not to do something but to think.  We redirect our activity by means of thought alone.  This principle is the hardest of all to grasp.  People just don't see it. Yet we know that it works.  It is demonstrable." (Thanks to Missy V. for this quote that Goodard Binkley attributes to Alexander in his book The Expanding Self.)  I have had this experience before with working with AT inhibition and direction, but it continues to surprise me when a muscular release arises by thought alone. 

When I did move to the guitar, as soon as I sat with my instrument and practiced inhibition again, I noticed my relationship to the room changed spatially once more.  I lack the descriptive power to elaborate on this, but this happens to me with the hands of an AT teacher and occasionally through arriving in the present moment.  I began to play Senseless Loss and was enjoying the act of making music, listening to the melodies,  being present with my activity.  Then the fantasy thought arrived - "Could I do this in Missy's upcoming workshop."  The connection I had with myself, the guitar, and music was short circuited as this thinking rattled on.  I stopped playing and began again.

On the second run through, I kept the thinking and chatter down, but then noticed the tension developing in my left hand as the piece neared the end.  "Should I stop playing now?"  "Or develop my stamina with this piece?"  Needless to say the ending fell apart.  Which is fine, the overall process was successful and will lead to deeper revelations and releases I am certain.  In the words of Todd Rundgren "Give us just one victory and we're on our way ..."

The Switch

Productive day at work today.  A consultant to our company that has a copy of Scattered Hearts was in today and raving to me about how much she and her children loved the music.  Words like this mean a lot, and have kept me going on many an occasion.  But the more we talked, the more I just wanted to leave and get home to my guitar. After dinner tonight I began thinking about the various pieces in progress, writing projects in progress, and tasks associated with both that need attention.  A bit overwhelming, and while I am forever grateful for the day job there is frequently little time and energy left.

Yet I do what I can.  Noticing that my thinking was moving in a negative direction, I knew I needed to take positive action.  I sensed the right action had nothing to do with the tasks and projects but to play some notes and allow the vibrations to harmonize my thinking and emotions.  I began an improvisation but quickly abandoned it.  Then another one, when I noticed I was being too judgmental of myself and I let go of this effort.  Switching to playing Gathered Hearts, I then stopped this as my thinking was too active and not on making music.  I paused for a moment to breathe and settle, but again the thinking was active and damning.

I began another improvisation and immediately noticed the magic of the two opening arpeggios.  My thinking quieted as I entered the moment of this unfolding improvisation.  The magic had switched on and music was whispering.  I followed as I could awash in the waves of sound, engaged in the act of music.  Returning to the opening arpeggios, I choose a different direction and was pleasantly surprised with the outcome.  Exploring this path for a bit, I paused to rest my body and notated the opening phrase.  Upon returning to the guitar, I still was intrigued with this beginning and explored this further.  When I found the improvisation was stalled, I began to play Gathered Hearts, this time from a unified space of body, mind, and spirit.  Ever so grateful for music, the guitar, and life itself.  Never sure why I can notice when the switch flips on and the creative juice trickles or flows.  So much more than I deserve, what more can I desire?

Cycles of Learning

 It was a balmy 41 F, as we set out for our Qi Gong session in the park at 7:45am.  Overcast, like my mood.  I was tired this morning, up late last night after attending a performance of the BSO accompanying the 1928 silent film - The Passion of Joan of Arc.  The oratorio Voices of Light by Ricard Einhorn was as beautiful as it was intriguing.  The emotional power of the actors facial gestures were very moving for me.

As I woke at 6:30am, I had my ready-made excuse to blow off Qi Gong.  But why?  The practice outdoors with Nianzu Li and others  is always so good for me.  The collective energy of the practitioners and Mother Nature supporting my individual effort.  As we arrived, I noticed that there were more birds singing to the early morn than last week.  Tree buds were exploding all around us and the cycles of life continuing.  As were the cycles of my thinking.  Negative judgmental thoughts of myself and others kept arising as I worked with the exercises.  Where was this coming from and why now?  Recycled  patterns that serve no useful nor higher purpose, but are part of me.  The movements are so simple; Nianzu so focused and giving, and I stuck in my thinking.  Have I learned these particular movements well enough that now they are moving into the realm of the automatic & habitual and not requiring the active attention that new learning requires of me?

I have seen this drifting attention pattern many times before.  An activity moving into habit and lacking the spirit.  Yet Qi Gong needs the active participation of both my body and mind to be with the movement to fully reap the benefits of this work.  True for every activity, I suppose.  When learning a new piece of music, the time arrives when the mind drifts from the playing as a certain level of automaticity enters my hands, my being.  Then like this morning, when I notice this drift I need to bring my attention back.  How to wake up to this moment I am living; be it doing Qi Gong, making music, or just being with another?  Finding and observing my breath is a steady ally and part of our Qi Gong efforts.  But today, a pattern of distracted thinking had taken root in my mind and was affecting my efforts.

Despite wanting to walk away and most likely increase the intensity of negative thoughts about myself, I persisted.  I paused a few times, to let go of the trying and come back to the doing with varying degrees of success.  There were moments of presence within, but today some olde, possibly inherited patterns of thinking were flourishing.  I was gentle with myself and this cycle, kept to the practice and know that this too shall pass.  And I am grateful for that knowing.

No great happy ending, but at least I was not burned at the stake like Joan.  An hour can appear to be an eternity or a glimpse.  Thoughts come and thoughts go, do I attach myself to them remains key.  The practice of gently working through the various states of mind that arise is the journey.  Practice like this in one activity affects all activities.  As the Zen saying reminds us - The Journey is the Path.

The bulk of this was written this morning.  Nearly eight hours later with a nap and much rest, my energy is still amiss.  Perhaps a microbe is highjacking my biochemistry.  The negative thinking pattern of this possibility is daunting and eliciting despair.  Can I water the seed of happiness in me and accept what comes?  Please be gentle with your good selves on your journeys.

Photo by PhOtOnQuAnTiQuE

Directed Thinking

Thinking.

Thinking is the key.

                    Thinking is the problem.           The solution. 
                       
                                                 Thinking is over rated ...

The past two nights when I have awakened during the night, my mind was 'thinking" about the musical idea known as Corvus.  I love when I can rest and the mind takes over and processes information for me.  Of course much of the time,  I am on automatic thinking.  Tending to routine tasks and behaviors that make up the course of my daily activities.  When I bring my attention to these routine tasks is when I become alive.

The Alexander Technique brings my thinking into my bodily movements.  This awareness of how I use myself generates a form of mindful energy, as well as being an efficient way to execute simple and complex tasks.  Edward de Bono has written many books on the subject of thinking.  He has developed and taught a variety of techniques called Lateral Thinking to stimulate our brains and open up our thinking.  I recently listened to a book of his on CD and one exercise that I have been experimenting with is the septien.  In this exercise you come up with a list of 7 words or short phrase related to the subject you are thinking about.  Repeating these words, stimulates the brain in a manner not tied to our habitual thinking

The end of the month deadline is looming for the three pieces I need to complete, so tonight I decided to develop a septien for each piece. Then during my AT lie down, after directing the body to release, lengthen, and widen I would use the septien for the piece I would work with next.  My initial idea was to do a lie down, work on a piece for 20 minutes, lie down, etc.  Thus looking at all three pieces in a little over an hour.  Then I reasoned that I would move from there.

After 10 minutes of my lie down in  a traditional manner, I began to recite the septien for Corvus.  After a few minutes of this I tuned my guitar, and before playing I revisited the septien.  I then began to play through what I had so far.  After 15 minutes, I was improvising and the form came together.  One run through with the tape running and I was going to move onto my lie down and the next piece.

Yet I did not.  Instead I decided to bring order to the parts scratched on different pieces of manuscript paper and notate them with the changes that had just arrived.  After this was done I wanted to play through the piece.  But my body and mind needed a break.  So instead of end gaining, I did another lie down.  Reciting the septien at the end of the lie down I played and taped Corvus.  More work may be needed, but there was a shift today. I attribute this shift to the combination of Alexander's and de Bono's work.  Now if only I did not need to get up so early tomorrow.  Excuses. I need to look at another piece.

Think Up

Think Up and

- allow my neck be free,

- allow the notes to soar,

- let myself be,

- release my heart to roar,

- begin to think up some more ...

Changing My Thinking About Improvisation

 

Walking to the beach, my wife reminds me to have thoughts of openness and freedom.  I meditate on this while walking in the surf.  Breathing in - I am free, breathing out - I am open.  Some of my steps are easier and lighter, as the ocean ebbs and flows around my legs, just as some thoughts and habits are easier to walk through than others.  As I continue to meditate on openness and freedom, I also allow these thoughts to be held:  I can improvise music.  I am free to create spontaneous compositions.  I am free to create music in the moment. Happy as I notice how these thoughts which just a couple weeks ago made me twitch, are now being received with ease.

      I sit and watch the ocean continuing to meditate on openness and freedom. Just as the soft breeze blows across my skin, I imagine my fingers gently caressing the strings of my guitar.  Waves of sound rising and falling, riveting and soothing.  Any note can follow any note.  Any chord can be the sound of freedom. Release the mental, confining constraints, and just be with the sounds as the music unfolds.  Be the inspired and the inspiration.  Just BE.

    What is changed when we observe our breath?  What is changed when we sense our bodies?  Coming alive to the moment of our doing, we may become open to a choice beyond our habits, a choice beyond right and wrong.  Freedom arrives, is glimpsed excitedly and then I am lost again.  If I direct my attention, freedom may again become possible.  We begin again constantly, as the Guitar Craft aphorism so aptly enlightens.  Waves of presence, followed by waves of absence, until the splash of waking up arrives once more.

    Will I allow my sands of time to be eroded by habits?  Or will I act from principle?  Train the mind?  Release the unnecessary?  Cultivate the positive?  Be open and partake of the help that is available?  Understanding that my habits are subtle and obstinate, I must have help to release them.  Habits developed over a lifetime, perhaps over many generations, do not yield overnight.  Except for the occasional, extraordinary event, habits usually unravel in a gradual but persistent release.

    This release requires discipline and dedication to principle, an intentional approach, oftentimes aided by the divine.  In any case, I have to ask for help.  Ask myself, what am I willing to commit?  Ask others who have trudged the path before me for guidance?  Plead for assistance from the unknown.  And then I practice, as often as I remember.

    When the sun rises once more, with my first waking breath, I ask again.  Grateful for another chance to train my mind and change my life, I align myself to a higher principle.  Being gentle and generous in my approach to myself and to others, I breathe in good thoughts.  And I smile as I breathe out.  Alive again, I take a step into life...and then another.  The Breath is always with me.  Am I with the Breath?  Release the unnecessary and arrive in a new place.  The present moment.  Home of the known and the unknown.  Arriving at a castle in heaven, that, for me, is made of sand.  Begin again constantly...act from principle...breathe in...release the sand.

Photo by Andy Buckland

Beyond the Fences

Always inspiring to do Qi Gong in the surf.  Watching the endless shapes of the waves coming to shore; listening to the volume of the crashes rising & falling, and feeling the water swirling about my feet - all inviting me back to the present moment - back to freedom.  Breathing and moving, while noticing my body bask in the energy, I inhibit my desire to dive in.  With endless time, we enjoy our movements as if there was no where else to be.  Listening, moving; smiling with the sun as the cool ocean waters caress our feet.

After completing our practice with gratitude, I jump into the surf.  My warm body shivers as I dive through the first wave, exiting with a scream of joy.  Freedom ... nothing like it.  Can I extend this quality of play in the moment into my guitar playing?  An aspiration perhaps, slow progress already being made with merely thinking in this way. 

Breakfast, followed by housekeeping and I am ready to play.  Where to begin I ask myself, with the Danse Vivante or to move somewhere new? Then I notice my body and decide to begin with an AT lie down.  As my back touches the floor, I know I made the right choice.  Contemplating my body, I release and restore what is naturally true.  Relishing these moments of freedom, I am again grateful for this life and all of those who have shown me the way; grateful for all of those I meet along the way.

Gently strumming the opening chords of Danse Vivante, my wife asks me to play this for her.  I do - twice, minding the subtle shifts and an inclination to continue to explore the musical options of what has been delivered so far.  No need to fence this piece in as finished, I just allow what is there to continue to flow.  A subtle freedom, that has not always been of my nature.   Building on this freedom, I begin to improvise from an Ab major chord.  Where do I go; where might music lead me in this harmonic area outside of my regular haunt?  Remain as free as possible, I tell myself. Ignore any fence my mind may encounter or create.  Lean against or incorporate the fence, perhaps even rest in it's shade; but gently and freely move beyond the fence.