Awakening

On the road today, staying in a beautiful home.  A wonderful place to rest and practice.  Walking in a nearby park, I came across four Native American Burial Mounds.  These simple, poignant, natural, mysterious and inevitable reminders of the one fear that always comes true - death.  As I pondered them, I was grateful for the life, opportunities, family, friends & love that fill my life.

After lunch I practiced a bit, then recalled the Burial Mounds.   Being open to the notes that might arise, I listened carefully as I played.  Might the notes wrap the shroud with respect.  A whisper arose and I followed gently.  Another whisper - somewhat surprised I trusted and followed further.  Could this be my humble tribute to these lives that passed?  To all life that will pass?  I made some notes as the whisper quieted and then I rested.

Tipping the Scales

Balance the consistency principle with the inconsistency principle. 

Brian Eno and Peter Schmidt

As this Oblique Strategy arose in my mind this morning I had a sense something interesting would arrive.  I wondered if I was becoming too consistent of late.  I've been picking up the guitar, making slow progress practicing pieces, but there has been no creative spark.  I'm disciplined enough to remain in the process of practice, but when the juice arrives, my practice is amplified in a sense.  How to investigate the inconsistency principle and restore balance?

One thought was to pick up my electric guitar and see what happens.  Maybe even plug in some effects. Looking at the definition of inconsistency I found this explanation when used as an adjective - "not in agreement or harmony."  I could go for something atonal or I could learn more about harmony.  Playing around with an Eb sus4 and Eb sus2 chords I now had a direction.  Then the Strategy spoke to me when I began playing around in eleven which reversed itself.  The pattern of this was 4/4/3/3/4/4.  Then it switched to 4/3/4.  More inconsistency arrived when the rhythm changed to ten, then to seven and eventually mellowing out in six.

My playing was energized and challenging.  I was alive again.  I made some notes and will investigate this more tomorrow as the scale tips toward balance.

Photo by elycefeliz

Cultivate Curiosity

Be curious, not judgmental.
Walt Whitman 

 I've always been intrigued by processes and how things work.  One of the reasons that I went to an Engineering High School, studied Nutrition in college, and then all manner of working to get to know myself and why I do what I do.  Our home is full of books, many of which I have yet to read; and quite a few I've read more than once.  A diversity of albums, cassettes, and CD's line other shelves.  I nurture this thirst for knowledge and appreciate those who share this yearning.

Driving home this afternoon, I thought about an idea for a piece, Grey Mist, that arose earlier this month.  How might I vary what I already have in a way that is outside my norm.  A thought arose about a bass line.  Arriving home, I was hungry so I had lunch.  Doing a bit of research for a writing project I have undertaken I came across an old blog post Stay Curious.  Remembering my idea for Grey Mist, I went to the guitar.


Playing around with the idea, it seems to have merit. Using these bass variations in the introduction I found my way to the main idea.  Now I need to listen to recordings made when I began working with Grey Mist to hear where the piece wanted to go next and hear if this fits the current flow.  Curiosity yields connections that otherwise would not be made.  Even when the idea does not work, it just may take me to the place where I find what does.  I continue to learn to just remain open and explore.  Like the poet said Be Curious ...

Photo by Olin Gilbert

Idea Flowing After Day of Rest

Awoke refreshed and raring to go this month.  After our morning practice I enjoyed breakfast with my wife.  Moving into the practice room at 9:25 am I warmed up with playing the first piece Iever wrote and then improvised.  After 10 minutes of this I was ready to address a piece.  Deciding quickly to play through Senseless Loss I decided first to warm up a bit more in a way that would address playing this tremolo piece.  Immediately I heard something I liked and followed the path.


Fascinated with what was coming out, I began making some quick notes calling it Tremolo Study in Five.  As the idea progressed a working title of Delirium emerged.  Time will tell if this is the title, even if it is a finished piece.  Grateful for the spark though.  Perhaps I need to take a day like yesterday to rest, recharge, and reflect more often.

Photo by Adreson

Feedback

Feedback.  How valuable when one can get honest feedback. Not I like or dislike something, but what happened within the recipient?  Today my wife provided this for me.  I've been playing around with an idea for the past 2 weeks.  An opening arrived that I could not develop.  Then a couple days later another idea arrived that also stagnated.  After a week, I was drifting away from them when I saw they were related.  Combining them a form began to emerge along with energy to keep investigating.

The form is a bit nebulous but I do have a title.  The title actually triggered the idea, but am I finding, defining, and elaborating this within the energy of notes?  I did not share the title with Joann as I wanted too see if the music was carrying the sentiment.  She gave me feedback pointing towards the intent and then I played it again.  Is this a piece or just an idea?

That she could not answer, my work lies within that question.  Her feedback did give me information that this work in progress is conveying the sense of the piece and that I should continue to develop it.

Photo by Jurgen Appelo.

Digging in the Dark

Slowly

Tightening

WhaT?

w/o a key

just a?

digging

digging in

digging deep
                          in the dark

notes flutter

too close for -         comfort

why?  avoid the dark?

when we avoid the?

w/o a key

we're in the dark

digging

digging in

_

photo by xJorgiimx

Openings

I wake from a dream where I arrived at dinner on a Guitar Circle course.  There are plenty of seats still available and no food.  Watching myself as I begin to react.  Doing nothing.  Wondering.  Wanting to do something, but doing nothing.  I see too much food on many but not all plates.  Must have been a self service arrangement.  In this dream, I was not in the role of kitchen coordinator and that person was nowhere to be seen.  Probably getting ready to perform at a meal I thought.  Was getting harder to do nothing, especially not to at least make a comment. Possibly why I woke up.

Working with the graphic scores from Sid Smith's String Quartet collaboration has me stumped at the moment.  Sunday I am scheduled to record these two pieces with my old friend and musical partner Steve Geest, yet the second piece is not complete.  Many others have submitted their works and I am beginning to feel a bit of self-imposed pressure, hence the deadline.  The value of a performance or recording date to spur the process is unique and known.  The other two times I recall waking during the evening the melody from Movement III of String Quartet was playing in my head.  This is a good sign and I  trust the process.

I have also seen how vital my portable mp3 recorder is to my process.  My old R-09 has given up the ghost & I am waiting for a replacement to arrive. This  added to the challenge of working from a photo as a graphic score. Examining this, I can not hear where the melody is leading me yet. I have a two working titles that arose for this piece.  They are on a post-it note next to the photo.  Perhaps if I select one as they are embodying different, even opposing qualities the piece will evolve.  Life is very good. The table is set.

Honoring a Request

Yesterday was Ladd Everitt's Birthday and I sent him birthday greetings via Facebook.  Then he asked for a 30 second piece for his birthday.  Where to begin?  The time limit was one guiding constraint, albeit a severe one.  Did I need to do this today?  Why yes it is his birthday.  I needed a theme, an emotion, or a key please.  I looked at his name and decided to explore the interval of the fourth A - D.  Quickly I decided to toss in an F# and I began playing around.

After 40 minutes, a piece had arrived  and a rough recording was made on my portable mp3 recorder.  This recording is less than perfect yet was made in a spirit of goodwill and joy.  I sent him a drop box link and set off for a walk with my wife.  I am amazed with the ease of which I released this recording.  No worrying or negative judgement about the lack of time or that it's a mps or I am not worthy of sending this off.  A slight concern about him 'liking' the piece, but this is not up to me.  My response was important; just shrugging off any trace of fear and allowing what I do to enrich a good man's Birthday.

During our walk I told me wife about this.  I had said I wanted to explore and stretch during this time off from work.  I brought Pedro de Alcantara's book Integrated Practice with me as a potential source of ideas to play with.  But I never thought that a simple Birthday wish would provide the stimulus.  What other contexts might arise this week to provide the impetus for learning and growing?
I am grateful for my response to Ladd's request yesterday. In less than 38 minutes after his request, I honored his request without judgement of myself and no notice of fear; just a bit of love being sent out to a good man. 

A Universe of Possibilities

As I went to open my case tonight I paused.  This is not unusual for me, I frequently do this to check in with myself.  Be it through following my breath, using the Alexander Technique directions, or reciting a gatha that came to me years back.  I want to wake up and be present for the transition and the ensuing act of music.  Tonight as I paused this haiku arrived:

Opening the case, 

All possibilities are.

Now play the guitar.

Taking a few minutes to work with AT inhibition and direction, I then began to play Senseless Loss.  Playing at a slower then the tempo I have been working with this piece at, I heard perhaps a more meaningful expression in the bass register.  Pausing I decided to tape a slow take to listen to later.  Since my Tuesday evening AT class with David Jernigan, I have let go of using the pic to play this tremolo piece and have begun to play it fingerstyle.  This was David's suggestions as a possibility of the means-whereby to let go of end-gaining I was noticing in relation to this piece.

When I played this fingerstyle when I returned home that night I immediately found out I was able to play the piece at an increased tempo and with more accuracy.  Yet there was en energy missing. It took me a while to realize that I may have been mistaking the intensity of effort with a musical quality being expressed.  When in actuality the intensity that was now lacking appeared to have more to do with me tensing myself. 

So tonight when I heard/felt increased expression in the slower take I wondered why?  Was it purely musical or a result of less effort to play.  I increased the tempo and something was missing.  Alternating between slow and faster passages of a section of the piece, I arrived at perhaps a middle ground.  As I played faster both the attack of my thumb and my fingers were louder.  What if I lessened the attack of the thumb for a softer timbre while playing at the faster tempo?  There was something musical about this combination so I will continue to pursue this tomorrow. 

There truly is a universe of possibilities before any of us, in any of our pursuits.  We just need to begin and allow them to manifest.  Is your case open?

Moving Forward to Go Backward

Last evening I revisited an idea for a piece that began in January.  Somewhere along the line, this idea had slipped from my radar.  But because I had notated what I had, I was able to resume working with it again.  The piece is for a friend who departed this life in December and if I can follow my muse, I would like to remember him in this way.

After a light breakfast, I read through my notes from Steven Pressfield's Manifesto Do the Work. He states "One rule for first full drafts get them done ASAP ... momentum is everything.  Get to the end as if the devil himself were breathing down your neck and poking you in the butt with a pitchfork."   I decided to test his rule.  Playing around with the musical material I had, I found a direction for the piece to move to next.  Then after playing around with a few other ideas I was stumped.  Usually I might continue by going back to the beginning and working on my playing technique, but today I said no to this; I must get to the END.

I also needed a shower as I had a date with my family later in the morning.  While in the shower, the piece was playing in my head, when suddenly I heard how this might progress.  Back to the guitar, I found that yes, this new idea was working.  With forty minutes to go before I had to leave, I stayed ahead of the "devil" snipping at my back and found an ending.  Everything was notated in time to leave our home and enjoy a great brunch and lots of laughs.

After dinner I then decided to work with learning this piece from the end. I've read a few different musicians thoughts on learning a piece this way, but since I am also 'composing' the works I play, I usually can not do this.  Looking at the score, I began to work backwards. Working in this way I trimmed some notes and tightened up the ending.  I had enough time to investigate a few more bars to see how the transition to the end worked.  I'm not happy with the transition, but now armed with an understanding of the energy of the ending of the piece, I have a better idea of what is needed in the transition.  Perhaps this will be revealed tomorrow.

Directed Thinking

Thinking.

Thinking is the key.

                    Thinking is the problem.           The solution. 
                       
                                                 Thinking is over rated ...

The past two nights when I have awakened during the night, my mind was 'thinking" about the musical idea known as Corvus.  I love when I can rest and the mind takes over and processes information for me.  Of course much of the time,  I am on automatic thinking.  Tending to routine tasks and behaviors that make up the course of my daily activities.  When I bring my attention to these routine tasks is when I become alive.

The Alexander Technique brings my thinking into my bodily movements.  This awareness of how I use myself generates a form of mindful energy, as well as being an efficient way to execute simple and complex tasks.  Edward de Bono has written many books on the subject of thinking.  He has developed and taught a variety of techniques called Lateral Thinking to stimulate our brains and open up our thinking.  I recently listened to a book of his on CD and one exercise that I have been experimenting with is the septien.  In this exercise you come up with a list of 7 words or short phrase related to the subject you are thinking about.  Repeating these words, stimulates the brain in a manner not tied to our habitual thinking

The end of the month deadline is looming for the three pieces I need to complete, so tonight I decided to develop a septien for each piece. Then during my AT lie down, after directing the body to release, lengthen, and widen I would use the septien for the piece I would work with next.  My initial idea was to do a lie down, work on a piece for 20 minutes, lie down, etc.  Thus looking at all three pieces in a little over an hour.  Then I reasoned that I would move from there.

After 10 minutes of my lie down in  a traditional manner, I began to recite the septien for Corvus.  After a few minutes of this I tuned my guitar, and before playing I revisited the septien.  I then began to play through what I had so far.  After 15 minutes, I was improvising and the form came together.  One run through with the tape running and I was going to move onto my lie down and the next piece.

Yet I did not.  Instead I decided to bring order to the parts scratched on different pieces of manuscript paper and notate them with the changes that had just arrived.  After this was done I wanted to play through the piece.  But my body and mind needed a break.  So instead of end gaining, I did another lie down.  Reciting the septien at the end of the lie down I played and taped Corvus.  More work may be needed, but there was a shift today. I attribute this shift to the combination of Alexander's and de Bono's work.  Now if only I did not need to get up so early tomorrow.  Excuses. I need to look at another piece.

Where's the Music?

                                 Photo by James Landry


 I woke feeling wonderful today.   A late night with music, but a good night.  A new piece was born, the second one this week, always good for my being.  Tonight I played through a couple pieces to warm up and then turned my attention to the tremolo piece.  This piece has been neglected this week and I do not intend to let it slip away.  Then I played through the piece from last night, This Longing.  Felt like something was missing, but hey it is new, just play it again.  Still something missing, so one more time. What?

A bit dismayed I turned on the tape recorder to listen back to the rough take I had recorded.  The beginning was good, but then their were notes, but where was the music?  Yet last night my feelings were strong and confident about this piece, was I deluded then?  No, I was just doing the work, and while there is an underlying feeling to this piece, I did not express this last night as well as I thought I did. But I did do good work.  What to do?  Simple - begin again.  I listened through two more times, while following the score.  Hearing what was strong and what was muddled.  There is a beginning and some other musical ideas, just not a flow of music throughout.

Briefly disheartened, I returned to work on This Longing.  After all this is how I have always learned.  Some feeling or notion is wanting to be expressed, I am touching it, but not fully capable of expressing it, yet.  Often times it is a matter of technique, other times insufficient musical vocabulary, but seldom a lack of desire to continue to learn and explore.  As a musician, I must show up to do the work.  Using the same opening, I began again.  Listening, exploring, and listening again. Can I hear what needs to be played?  Tonight the piece is not complete, but progress was made and I learned something.

Laying Down the End

Today is the middle day of my vacation.  While small tasks are being completed and general order being improved, I also have more time to dedicate to the guitar today.   An hour in the morning, one plus in the afternoon, and about another 2.5 hours this evening.  Throughout this day, as most days, I worked with the Alexander Technique.  While I apply this particularly to the guitar, I find opportunities to pause and check in with AT regularly.  These moments away from the guitar are just as valuable as those with the guitar, because AT is concerned with how we use our self.  Thus how I pick up a book, open a door, or chop garlic are opportunities to practice AT. 

Now the evening session was going to be much shorter, but around 9 pm I played with a beginning that arose during an improvisation in the afternoon. Standing there playing with this idea, the possibilities began to unfold. I had a sense that once again I would not be going to bed early.  As I continued to play with the music, I knew I was going to need to notate what I had.  In general, I use myself well when playing the guitar either standing or sitting.  But when I sit down to notate I contort and tense in more ways than I knew possible.  With the guitar around my body and notating on the paper on the desk any sense of good use disappears.

During the act of notation this piece began to develop more. So I would write, and play, explore what I had, write, and play.  Noticing odd ways of using my right leg to support the guitar as I crane to see the neck and write down what I was doing.  My back getting tense and tired, my neck no longer free.  But the piece was developing, and my end gaining was in full stride.  The piece taking off in different directions than when I was improvising, is this better or not I hear myself questioning.  After an hour or so of this I know I must take a break.  Not purely out of a sense of being good to myself, I had run out of ideas to explore and notate.  Taking off my guitar, I sensed the stress in my body.  I was already tired when I began this part of the evening, and now even more so.  A good time to call it a night.


But I also knew that I could not yet curl up with my novel.  An AT lie down was in order to relax my back and undo what my end gaining had caused.  As I lay on the floor, my books supporting my neck, I found my thinking wandering what to do next with this piece.  Directing my thoughts back to my body, to lengthen and widen, noticing the relaxation seep in as tired muscles released.  Suddenly I remembered a chord sequence in the bass register, that was near the beginning of the original improvisation, and had been left out once I began notating and exploring.  I had a sense this part would work where I was currently stopped on the piece and was ready to get up and investigate.  End gaining returning, what was I to do?

Fortunately I continued the lie down.  Not meaning any disrespect to the muse, I would return to the music that was being given to me, but what was happening in the lie down was also very important.  I suspect I probably ended the lie down a few minutes sooner than if no idea had arrived, but I did resist the initial impulse to just leap from the floor and return to work.  As I sat at my desk, guitar strapped to my body, I explored this sequence and before I knew what had happened, I had an ending to the piece. 

Now I can curl up with my copy of Ilium.

Vacare

I'm on vacation from the day job this week, this time just a week to be at home.  Vacation comes from the Latin root - vacare: to be empty.  I began my emptying by attending a silent meditation retreat this weekend.  Such a precious time, a needed time for me.

Awakened this morning by thunderclap so loud, that Zeus must have been very angry, I tried to return to dreamland but could not.   Happy to have the opportunity to pick up my guitar in the early morning, but I found my playing was off and uninspired.   I continued until it was time to leave for a meeting.  My afternoon and early evening were dedicated to tax preparation and errands.  When my tax work was done for the evening, I picked up my guitar again. Just playing for fun, I eventually ripped off a good take on Dandelion Wish which I had not played for a while now.  The hour was late and this seemed to be a good place to complete my playing for the evening.

Suddenly I found myself playing a percussive bass line and knew I needed to follow where this might lead me. Yes it was already 10:20 pm, but when the whisper of music is present, I wake up.  I played around with this bass line to see where we might go.  When this seemed as if this was all there was, I turned on the tape machine and then notated what I had.  Still ready for more, the muse was silent.  I can still play this line in my head and will rest, perhaps tomorrow,  we will progress with this, perhaps not.  Why do these musical ideas so frequently arrive late at night?

White

There is beauty in the cold /in the white fresh and clean /The nature like a bride in wedding dress /shyly hiding pulsating blood. Gunilla Ciasson

Reading these words on a cold winter morning, I wished we had snow outside today.  But we do not, just cold.  Though I would love to gaze at the familiar yet different forms evoked by snow, I accept what is and read more.

On the Full Moon Path blog I find this definition of interference “the disturbing effect of new learning on the performance of previously learned behavior with which it is inconsistent.”  Lately I think of interference from an Alexander Technique perspective,  how we habitually get in the way of a good use of the self from habits learned long ago. Through the Alexander practice of inhibition I can sometimes see and let go of my habitual interference in my use. According to this definition, does inhibition foster interference of a positive nature? Now I knew I needed coffee.

While making coffee I begin to put away the clean dishes. I played with inhibiting my actions to pick up items or to move to the cabinets. No need to hurry, I can enjoy mindfully putting away the dishes and learn a bit about how I use myself.  When this is done, I think of bringing order to the piles on my bureau while also practicing inhibition, and to find a small box for cd's to ship. Then I pause, realizing I am now interfering with my own desires. A precious morning when I am not heading off to work and have time to play guitar while I am rested and calm.

Where to begin was the question that formed as I sat on my stool?  Recalling the words from the poem I yearned for something fresh and pure - White.  Last night at the end of my practice, I began an improvisation that caught my attention.  If I had not had a celebration to attend last night I would have followed the idea that came to me.  I began with this germ of an idea and watched it take form.  A beginning was there, and sensing that I was in a good place, I inhibited myself. Using the Alexander Technique directions assisted me in maintaining a sense of my use and my energy to flow.  Another section tinkled out from the universe and then I recorded what I had so far.

Again I inhibited myself from plunging forward and used the AT directions to foster my movements and flow.  Playing through what I had so far a mistake appeared on the final note. Calling on Brian Eno's sage advice to "Honor thy mistake as a hidden intention," I asked myself how to incorporate this new aspect.  "What would 'White' sound like," I  thought?  I noticed a picture of my parents and sister on the shelf and lit a candle in front of them.

Returning to the guitar, I inverted the final chord, with it's "wrong note" and began a new section. Smiling as this section also flowed, I hit record again.  Noticing that I would need to leave soon I notated the chords and completed my practice. Many hours later my bureau is still messy and I did not look for the box. But music is waiting and I will work to make myself available. How are you interfering with the music in your life?