Decisions

Reading Seth Godin's blog today I saw the link for the free workshop on decisions but had to act quickly before the 24 hrs of “free” was up. I love free. And More! I decided to let it go. The time to do the 50 minute workshop of which I’m sure there was much value, was going to compromise my best time to practice guitar. A good use of my tendency to have strong boundaries. Music is too important to me to let those precious morning hours slip away. 

Late in the day I stumbled upon a prompt for your six word memoir. Here’s mine: Make Music that moves our world. I do not understand why the music that comes to me does, but I do  keep showing up, Today I decided I would complete the Jumping Over Fences as the energy of the opening to this must be developed for my next release. Made good progress today because I gave myself the time and space to be present with my process. Now I have time to play a little bit more and enjoy the fruits of my practice.

Photo by Rosmarie Vegetal

Passage

Saturday morning I was warming up in preparation of our final day of recording with Tony Geballe.  I found a simple if disjointed melodic idea I played with a bit and then moved on.  Having made a mental note to remember this idea, I revisited this fragment during Monday's practice.  Then on Tuesday night, the idea began to simmer.  I came up with a quick working title as this helps to frame an idea for me, but Where Ya Goin'? did not really fit.  May have had more to do with where the melody was heading, than an actual sentiment or mood.

Yesterday I began to notate what I had of this idea to accompany the rough takes I had, in case I lose track of this over the coming busy weeks.  While capturing what I had in this way, another twist  arrived.  Later on the beach, looking at the surf, another possibility arose.  I tested this idea this morning, am unsure that it works, but strive to remain open to the inherent possibilities.  Early this morning I ran into a friend and we were talking about Transitions.  His work is helping organizations manage transitions.

In my current musical practice, I am in transition on various levels and pondered this as a working title.  Consulting the dictionary for a synonym for transitions I came upon Passage, which is currently the working title.  Noticing a word I did not know Saltation, I read the definition: discontinous movement, advance by leaps. Much closer to the quality of what is happening musically, but not sure this works as a title.  In genetics Saltation mean: a single mutation that drastically alters the phenotype.  I'm looking for that mutation that will bring this piece to life.

Taking a short break to allow the current ideas to percolate, then back to the guitar before one more dip in the Atlantic Ocean.

Photo by Nigel Howe

Reflection and Gratitude

 Music is a benevolent presence constantly and readily available to all.

 Guitar Craft Aphorism. 

 I am ever so grateful for those moments when music has been available to me.   Ever so grateful when musicians have been available to me and even more grateful when someone listens.  What a gift that has been bestowed upon me through the guitar.

May my work reflect a portion of that gratitude, a portion of the love and benevolence that has been extended to me.   May I do the work needed to be open and available to the Presence.  May I remember my debt and be diligent in my offerings.  Life is short, isn't it.  Time to play, while I still can.

Photo by David Ohmer

Them Changes

Well my mind is goin' through them changes.

Buddy Miles

Impermanence - everything changes.

Notes change - sounding different from the attack, as they sustain, and as they decay.  Apply various types of vibrato and the notes change more.  Invite other notes to play at the same time and any individual note sounds totally different depending on the surrounding notes or harmony.  Not unlike people in that way.

Thoughts change. 

Times change. 

People change. 

Tastes change.

Life is change.

Many of the changes are random. Yet there are changes we can direct.  Such as our thinking.  The information we take in or not.  The food we eat or not. The people we engage with.  The practices we undertake.  Are my actions serving my aim?  Are my words in harmony with the world I wish to create?  Am I aware of the precious moments with loved ones that may leave this life before I finish this sentence?

Photo by Neal Fowler

Snow Like Music Touches All

Watching the snow fall I paused to look in wonder.  To touch life right here and now.  The snow comes to the earth, touches it gently yet powerfully, much like music comes to us.  Snow changes our perceptions of life; trees highlighted differently, pathways hidden while new ones are forged.  Snow falls silently, urging me to take shelter in silence.  Looking at the trees reminds me to think in terms of the Alexander  Technique - to direct my body to be long and wide, to allow my thoughts to be forward and up.  Just as the landscape changes snowflake by snowflake, life is changed thought by thought.

Suddenly the snow shifts in the direction it releases from the sky.  Hidden forces and energy displayed before me, reminding me of my recent Qi Gong practice.  Directed movements shift the subtle energies, bring new life into the system, and opens channels not perceived in the every day.  Traveling one way; then another, yet all paths leading the journey to fulfill the aim.  Blankets of white delight the eyes; shadows shifted and revealed.  Truth calling us, showing us what is real.

What if a collective moved with the unity and direction of the snow?  Giving space and freedom to it's members as they move forth and followed the true direction of the path?  What if all of our intentions were as pure?  What if we all took time to contemplate the mysteries?  Moved with such gentleness? 
Snow like music, kisses the heart and spirit.  Snow like music, embraces all within its path.  Snow like music, changes one and all.  I can not make snow, only contemplate its truth and beauty.  I can make music, let me continue the journey and play on this day, everyday.

Photo from Tyne and Wear Archives and Museum

Meco

The challenge was given to the course in Tepoztlan.  Since I'm participating at a distance, I received the challenge late. Still I made their challenge mine.  Learning and a new piece will come into being. I'll fret and push, but I'll have a new solo piece ready to perform by Sunday night.

The journey may be coarse, wild; and the obstacles thick, but Meco will arrive. 

Photo by Rui Orenlas.

Slowly I Turn

The old Vaudeville skit - Slowly I turned ... step by step ... inch by inch just flashed into my mind.

This is how change enters into my life - slowly, thought by thought.  Am I directing those thoughts? Thoughts come and go, many of them unnoticed.  But when I slow down, observe the flow of thoughts, and interject what I want or even need to be thinking, well then life gets interesting.  Possibilities open.  Habits now stand a chance of being redirected.

Beyond slowing for the various moments of our life when we pause, I need an ongoing slowing to watch and direct those thoughts.  To step out of the race to check items off the list and ponder, even evaluate what, how, I am undertaking an action or process.  When the what is guitar related, I have a clear sense of directing the how, but in this afternoon's practice I found myself asking why I was pursuing a certain exercise.  When I clarified the why, the internal struggle relented.   This was accompanied by a slowing down of thinking; better focus on what I was doing. 

However this remains a process, not an event.  Step by step ...

Structuring the Music of Life

Structure was the frequently word used by recent retirees I talked with in the past 2 years as I contemplated this decision for myself.  There were other words and notions, but this one both attracted and concerned me.  After all I was used to structuring my professional day and to optimize my free time to devote to music, family, & friends.  But what happens when the entire week is mine to do with as I wish?

The first six month period has passed with great fun with family, learning about music, poetry, the Alexander Technique, performance and life itself.  More time developing my meditation practice, our Qi Gong practice and long walks.  Major family obligations & vacations met and more to follow.  But now what does the next six month period hold?

The foundation practices of meditation & Qi Gong frame my day, weeks, and life. Reading, learning, and experiences will continue to inform and develop. Going back to a family discussion we had on New Years Eve, I did hear myself answer a 'what's next' query with time to record again. When, how and with whom to undertake this remains to be determined but now I have stated my intention to  proceed.  Now I can structure my musical practices to address the level of execution to effectively record the pieces to be chosen.  I will remain open to compositional opportunities as they arise.  Mornings are my most productive times so these will be given to music practice within the already established framework that sustains and nourishes my life.

Composing Free From Desire

Does composing a piece of music differ from composing my life?  I want integrity and truth in my notes as I do in my life.  Variety in pieces as I do in my days.  Logic and coherence, efficiency and color, mystery and clarity, are all important in both music and life.  Perhaps this is why when listening to a group of people sharing about their lives today, Eno's Oblique Strategy Disconnect From Desire arose again in my mind.

I am a musician, not a conductor.  Certainly I have enough difficulties conducting my own life, so why do I frequently "know" how others should be conducting theirs?  As a musician I have my part to play, same as in life.  I may know how I'd play another's part, but alas it is theirs to play.  Of course I have my opinions, some knowledge, and always hope for a situation.  But how do I know when my "desire" is in the best interest of a piece of music, let alone in the life of another, or for humanity in general?

Disconnect From Desire became a guiding light while listening. Connect with the now and leave the mental noise.  Connect with the now and increase the signal I'm hearing.  I saw where this can guide my practice for the next few days as I prepare for my next gig.  Disconnect From Desire for the outcome of my practice and just play the notes.  Be there now with the notes; no where else, ever.  Rise above my desires.  When I care for the head, the heart, and the hands; music just might be available.  At the very least I'll be available.

Photo:  What the Eye Sees by Jack Mallon.

Arriving

I tossed and turned last night concerned with the impact that yet another snow storm would have on my getting to work and the arrival of my staff.  When you work in a healthcare facility, arriving in inclement weather is not an option, just a must.  So up early, moving about snow from walkways  and the car, then moving through snow.  In the dark.  Most of my morning routine had been compromised to allow for an extended commute and for filling in for others.

After a long day, I came home and napped.  A tasty dinner with good old friends who have been staying with us and great conversation.  We have shared much with these friends and the conversation was deep and needed my attention to remain engaged.  I met this with varying degrees of success.  My emotions were stirred frequently during our conversation.  Stirred in useful and needed ways.  At times pointing me to areas I need to examine as only those who know me can do.  But I needed a break.  I needed a different energy.  I needed music.

Our friends retreated to their room, and I to my practice space.  My emotions still stirred and my body tired, I decided to pause and practice some Qi Gong standing postures.  My thinking quieted a bit and I wanted to play.  I knew I was not "ready" to play, but I needed the nurturing that the guitar's notes vibrating across my chest provides.  I knew that I would be better to arrive in body, mind, & spirit before playing, yet I also knew that the guitar would also help me to arrive.  Would be there to greet my impatience, to point out my lack of attention, and could pull me into the present moment.  I flirted with music and the guitar and they loved me back.  Amen.


Photo by GH Cheng.

Surrounded

This morning I joined Master Li and others for Qi Gong along Sligo Creek.  These gentle movements that I have come to love gently stretching my body, opening my spirit, and quieting my mind.  The air was crisp, the trees tall & majestic with the sun slowly rising through their tops, and the bird song gathering intensity as more birds are returning north.  Alive and present, surrounded by life.

After breakfast I picked up my guitar.  Noticing that my body was rested & relaxed  after this long weekend, I wanted to maintain this openness.  I recalled a short gatha that came to me a couple weeks back when I was gripped in fear concerning a decision that myself and my family have arrived at.  A decision that will lead to more openness and refinement, yet fear arose nonetheless.  This gatha is breathing in - I am safe, breathing out - I am surrounded by love.

As I sat with my guitar I remembered that truly I am surrounded by love.  Keying on the sense of "surrounded", I took in the space around me.  In a Alexanderian sense I allowed my body to be in this space and to lengthen & widen.  Not holding onto anything, just sitting with my guitar.  As I went to tune, I noticed my right elbow "tensing" as it came to rest on the bout of the guitar.  Letting this go and beginning again, occupying the space I was in, there was still unnecessary tension in this elbow.  A habit of decades does not release overnight.  Directing myself again to be long and wide, to be safe and surrounded by love, my elbow arrived in a different place.  I decided that the aim of this morning's practice would be to remain open.

Open to whatever note might arrive and however a note might sound.  Open to being surrounded by love as I played and open to this moving through me, perhaps even moving me to a different space.  Open to allowing whatever time was needed to maintain and develop openness in my playing in this time and space.  Working on brief melodic passages in a piece ironically called Opening.  Playing, pausing, directing, and learning what it takes to just play.  Open to releasing thoughts, noticing judgements about how I was doing what I was doing, and releasing them and my body. 


After writing the above I returned to the guitar.  I remembered that earlier in the practice I was directing my hands to be open while playing.  What does this mean?  The right hand assumes a form for plucking and the left hand dances about the fretboard in various configurations of ease and occasional distress.  In Qi Gong we gently stretch and keep our hands open to foster the energy flow along & through the length of the meridians.  When my hands are relaxed, that is using necessary tension only, the quality of the sound I produce is fuller and richer.  As I move into practicing the next piece Enclosing, I aim to keep my hands as open as possible.  Finding the part where tension has caused me issues in executing the passage I focus my practice here.  Slowly releasing and finding an openness not only in my left hand, but in my thinking about this passage.  I realize that I am always surrounded by opportunities to let go.

I needed to complete my practice to be on a conference call with some very good people about an upcoming project.  Again I knew, I was surrounded by love.  What a privilege to work with such amazing & aware people.

May my body within and without be surrounded by the space and conditions needed to maintain openness in my being.  May my spirit remain gentle towards my efforts at effortlessness.  May my heart remain open to learning, open to love.   Surrounded.  What are you surrounding your self with?

Questions

 

For whom do birds sing?

For whom do I play music?

For what do we listen?

Why do we not sing more?

Do the questions frame the quest?

The Wonder of Gratitude

Philosophy begins in wonder. Plato

As I completed my practice session playing Matka Boska, a tribute to my mother, to all Mothers,  a sense of gratitude overwhelmed.  Gratitude for life, gratitude for the love my Mother gave me, gratitude for the gifts of living, laughter and art that so many have shared with me. 

Gratitude as the frame for my day, keeps me present, grounded, and awake to the presence of so much that life has to offer  Grateful that my body still has fine motor control to play, that my mind can recall what to play, and that my heart still cares.   One precious breath at a time I can wake up and listen for what life needs.

The new day is upon me.  Time to go and marvel at the beauty and wonder of another opportunity to watch the sunrise from the bottom of the sea.

Possibilities

 To play from silence, perhaps even with silence.

To be free in body, heart and mind while playing; better yet while doing dishes.

To receive a glimpse of what is needed and to have the discipline to carry this out.

One Small Step

When Neil Armstrong stepped onto the moon what did this sound like?

Since sound does not travel in a vacuum,

where did it go?

Is the sound of his footstep still on the moon?

If I knew that my sounds were to last a lifetime

and beyond,

Might I sound differently?

Awareness of knowing when one is speaking,

is truly another great step for mankind. 

Awareness of knowing where I am

is just about a miracle.

Is there any other moment in which to be alive?

What If

What if I treated every situation of my day as if I were sitting down with my guitar?

 I handle the guitar with gentleness and care.

I take the time to tune the guitar so that the "conversation" I evoke from her is as harmonious and pure as possible.

When the guitar does not sound as I wish, I take responsibility for the sound and investigate how I am using myself to produce this sound. I do not blame the guitar.

I listen to my guitar.

The tone of my playing reflects the level of my presence in the moment.  Generally, I either am or I am not present.  Can I develop the sense to hear the tone of my interactions with others as easily as I can with the guitar?

When the guitar needs attention, new strings perhaps, I give her the attention that is needed.  Even when I do not "feel" like doing so.

During a session with the guitar, I pause and reconnect with myself.  When I notice that the guitar has gone out of tune, I pause and tune her.  I do not blame her for going out of tune, guitars just go out of tune.

When my emotions begin to overwhelm me during the act of playing, I find the time and the way to release them.  Experience has shown me that if I do not then my playing generally worsens and more negative emotions arise.  Simpler to address the emotions as they arise, then to untangle the complications from remaining in their presence for too long.

When I am befuddled with how to play the guitar, I seek out assistance from those with greater experience and knowledge.

I accept the limits of the guitar.  Though Beethovan did refer to the guitar as a "miniature orchestra" she will never sound like one.

When my encounter with the guitar is over, I wipe off her strings and her body to remove any particles of my being that may affect her as she rests.

I place her lovingly in her case.  Making sure she is safe and secure for our next adventure.

Then I pause and reconnect with life before moving on ...

So again I ask myself the question - What if I treated every situation of my day as if I were sitting down with my guitar? 

Photo by Wonderlane

Days Like This

Qi Gong in the park with Master Li after a month off - Yessssssss.

An hour of practice using AT negative directions while practicing Senseless Loss.

Could hear & feel Senseless Loss coming Alive.

Letting go of determination.

 At least a bit.

Lunch in back yard with my Favorite Person in the whole world.

Discussions of the future, free of fear or worry.

This is miraculous.

Wrote first of seven Haiku today.

Where did these come from?

Beyond

Read T.S. Elliot.

Best friend in freshman year of college told me I needed to.

Still looking to come to grips with his words.

Rest

Then dinner.

Second Haiku whispers as I dress.

Two Haiku adorn program

of recital of our friend, Melinda Hamerly.

Poulenc's La Carpe was sublime.

de Falla's Nana so sweet,

While Polo enlivened.

Happy to support friend and music.

Beauty nourishes all.

Home to just play guitar.

No direction.

Less judgement.

A wish conceived.

Three

Haiku

Arrive

 To bed.

Unless another Haiku arrives.

Event Horizon

Balance the consistency principle with the inconsistency principle.  Brian Eno and Peter Schmidt

The wisdom of Oblique Strategies once again informs the practice of my life.  What is consistent - Habits.  And what is inconsistent - my conscious choice of how I use myself, how I move through life, how I respond to situations. By interjecting and inviting in moments of awareness throughout my day, the scales begin to tip and my habits are examined.  As these moments of awareness become more frequent through strengthening the habit of pausing and checking in with myself, life is enhanced for myself and the world.  May I become consistent with examining my inconsistencies.

Improvised Directions

The summer solstice, our longest day of the year.  Suffice it to say that my dealings with business concerns today certainly felt very long, dark, and unending.  What to do when finally confronted with truth, after months of negotiated deceit?  Despair was looming, probably even fear.  Yet anger did not approach the surface.  A tinge of gratitude for the decent person who at possible personal cost, put an end to this calculated disaster.

Chocolate cake, ice cream, and conversation with my favorite person in the whole world certainly helped when I arrived home.  Reflection, letting go, and directing my thinking from dwelling in the muck allowed me to inch forward.  The laughter of children celebrating the solstice pointed me to faith in life.  Then, finally, I took my guitar from her case.  What to play?  Why play?  The latter easier to answer, because I know the act of playing almost always supports positive change  within me.  But what to play in this somewhat fragile state was important as I needed the support of what the guitar offers me, not the sometimes judgemental critic that can still arrive after all these years to dampen the playing.

I began to improvise, to stretch, to just see what might be there for me to find.  Then drawing upon my recent experiments with negative Alexander Technique directions I arrived at "I am not playing the guitar."  Smiling as I played,  just enjoying improvising, even noodling.  Noticing the hint of the judge arriving, I directed my thinking with "I am not playing any wrong notes."  Relief.  Twenty-five minutes later, having invited this thought back a few times, I let go of the playing.  Having tasted freedom, possibility, and a gentleness with myself I thought I might play a piece or two when I return to the guitar.  And then again, maybe I'll inhibit this notion and just see what arises.

Life is precious, too precious to allow this moment to slip away. Many thanks to Robert Rickover for the great work he does with the Body Learning podcast series on the Alexander Technique.  The podcast on Using Negative Alexander Technique Directions is well worth a couple listens and has been informing me for months. Hopefully tonight's use of Negative Directions was not too great a distortion but it sure was useful. Listen sooner rather than later.  Plenty of other very informative interviews there also.

What is a Good Note?

I was flipping through Robert Henri's The Art Spirit before I began my guitar practice tonight.  This book has more pieces of paper sticking out of it then any book on art theory that I own. So many great thoughts that apply to any creative process.  Henri had a connection with his muse on all levels that I admire.  He was more than capable to express his connection in words.  He says: " A line is not good because it is like a line. A line is good because of it's relations to other lines ..."

Does this not hold true for a note?  One note can be beautiful, powerful, & true which is a testament to the player; but where does one note take us?  An inspired moment perhaps, but this same note related to other notes, has the power of all of the notes and their relationships to inspire, transform, and transcend our world.

Holding these thoughts, I quietly moved my arms in the manner of Qi Gong, but with no specific form in mind.  As I opened my case, I knew I would begin with the Berio exercise to play the same note 11 different ways. This simple exercise aligns my listening and playing faster than any other exercise I know.   As I played with this exercise, I decided I would work on the intro to Stepping Stones next, as there are many long notes in the introduction of this piece.  I enjoyed playing with these notes, savoring the making of the sounds while listening to them, feeling the power in their relationships.  Noticing how a change in timbre or volume of one note affected all the others before and after.

When I decided to play through the piece, I noticed my mind had begun to chatter as I was playing the arpeggios in the second section.  Then the thought arrived "When playing the guitar - play the guitar." Alone or on stage isn't this enough?  A glimpse of Mastery perhaps? As I applied this thought to my playing, I played.