Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Trust is Fragile


Another wonderful Alexander Technique class with David Jernigan tonight. R. has returned from her travels and a new student Rl was also present. This was the first exposure of Rl to the Technique and it was interesting and refreshing to be there with him. I was able to stay with what David was suggesting in words to each student and keep the directions active in my own thinking. I have found this useful in the past and especially so tonight.

After having wrote the above line, I paused and invited myself to lengthen and widen by using the AT directions. When it was my time to play guitar, I choose Kinnara. A simple piece with a haunting mystery when played well. Of late I have been unable to play this piece well. This began during the live recordings last month and I continue to get lost in my thinking or fingerings. Never one to be easy on myself I decided to face the mirror to play. Then I decided to not look into the mirror & go inward. David stopped me & invited me to take in the world. I did but stumbled on the first chord repeatedly. Beginning again one more time I trusted that I could play this, my left hand found the opening chord with ease. After playing David asked me what was different and I told them I was trusting.

When I came home I had no problem beginning this piece solidly five times in a row. After tending to other tasks I again was able to begin this piece well a few more times. So why the difficulty in playing this music for supportive people, two of whom I have grown fond of, and a mirror? What is being reflected that I need to see? What can I not see or will not see?


  1. When you decided to trust, you created the reality that was trust-worthy and a you that is trust-worthy. When you doubt the trust, you create an untrustworthy environment. The old example of a centipede thinking of each foot vs just moving comes to mind. If the centipede is not trusting, it is micromanaging, hyperaware, trying to control each movement one at a time. If the centipede is trusting (as it were), there is the opportunity for flow. The other trust piece is trusting one's self to be ok with a mistake or two, by trusting the music and that it is about the music not the player.
    These are some thoughts that are stirred in me by your post Patrick. Thanks for your transparency.

  2. Thank you for your care and attention to my writings Kathy. I am getting closer; slowly, patiently.