Awake at 5:10 am today. Not an uncommon hour to me, I was rested and ready to begin my day. The vestiges from a difficult emotional afternoon yesterday still resounding beneath the surface. After journaling, I began my meditation, but quickly realized I had a physical component that needed to be discharged or transformed. I was waiting to do Qi Gong in case my wife awakened, but I knew I needed what this practice provides. After 15 minutes of Qi Gong, I began my meditation again, eventually letting go of the negativity built up by my habit energies and finding peace and joy.
After a long professional day, I arrived home tired. The week was done and after dinner and resting I would turn to my guitar. But I found the tiredness was deeper than I realized and the desire to play was difficult to muster. Yet I also knew I needed to play; to feel the vibrations; to listen to the notes. Besides this coming Sunday I am to play a piece for an Evening of Remembrance with the Washington Mindfulness Community, and I have not decided what I'll play.
To the basement telling myself I only needed to play through the three pieces I am considering and perhaps determine which I'll play. After playing one piece, I began improvising with an idea that surfaced last night. The spark was there and I began to follow. My body and my spirits revived as music whispered as. Finding two stretches for my left hand to be difficult as I was not warmed up, I paused and directed via AT. Finding my shoulders and my back, releasing my neck and simply breathing with the memory of what I had played. Proceeding slowly in this manner, holding the energy of excitement with what I was playing and inhibiting the desire to end gain by pushing my left hand. Wondering what this piece was about - someone from my past? A sense of loss was present in the notes. Playing and pausing; breathing and inhibiting, I noticed I was coming alive again. I sensed that perhaps what was coming out was related to my lost youth. The young man who wanted to play music but became lost and dispersed.
Should I notate, record or do a lie down I found myself thinking. Then I moved to the floor, my body grateful for the rest. Enjoying the release that the lie down offers, I knew could go to bed right then and there if I allowed myself. I also knew that music was courting me, and if I took care of myself when I returned to the guitar something might arrive.
Noticing how beautiful my guitar as I paused before picking her up. Gently playing the introduction, and venturing forth, I found a loud chord resounding beneath my fingers. Following with my heart and ears a beautiful section arrived. Taking in the room, smiling to days gone by, I continued to explore and to pause and come back home. Trusting that the music is in my ear enough to return to tomorrow, I decided to tend to the blog. My perceptions of events skews easily as time passes. Happy that I picked up my guitar and made myself available. Now it is time to rest.
Photo by Barry Stock.