False Starts With Faith

Found my notes earlier this week that David Jernigan had taken from what may be my favorite podcast about the Alexander Technique.  Pedro de Alcantara, an AT instructor, was interviewed by Diana Rumrill on her wonderful series on Musician's Health called Harmonious Bodies.  David's notes were taken in a rich text format and the first one which appeared to float off the page after I completed my practice last evening is

                  ** things are easy to do ** 

Yes they are, especially when I am present to the task at hand.  The next line on the notes reads

     put yourself in the frame of mind to do so;
                     work on frame of mind.

Certainly sage advice.  Mindful breathing and the Alexander Technique bring about a harmonization of my body and mind.  As the Dhammapada tells us All that we are arises with our thoughts.  If I tend to the garden of my mind and water the seeds of music, improvisation, peace, or anything that I wish to manifest, I am laying the groundwork for bringing this into being.  So today I reflected on the thought - improvisation is easy for me.  Over the years I have watered many positive seeds in my thinking and I know that changing my "frame of mind" takes time.  So I practice watering positive seeds.

When my guitar practice time arrived, I was in a good frame of mind to begin.  After completing my AT lie down, my energy was flowing, my body and mind engaged.  While opening the case I knew I was opening my case, picking up my guitar, I was present.  And tonight, music taught me patience, showed me a couple areas to study.  I began a few different improvs and they quickly fell apart.  These false starts began to concern me, but I reminded myself this is part of the process.  Wondering how am I to sustain this for the month of my Creative Pact 2011 commitment?  Can I continue to blog about improvisation and the Alexander Technique without becoming redundant?  The simple thought - have faith came to mind.

Smiling, I began to alter an arpeggio exercise in fourths and sixths.  Concerning myself with the quality of the notes I was playing, moving slowly and without concern I quieted my mind.  Simple melodies emerged along with a few surprise twists.  Pausing to check in via AT, I began again with a different chord and slowly explored the possible.  One more time and I took a break to write this.

Now for another lie down to re-harmonize myself before returning to the guitar.

I reminded myself that improvisation is easy as I completed my lie down. Three more efforts, two with clearly defined beginnings and the third began with abandon.  Moments that were musical emerged in all three, with surprise and horror also arising in the third.  By pausing and directing my thinking via AT between each improv, I was able to maintain a sense of myself while exploring the various musical situations.

One more lie down and this variation on the AT directions came to me.  Improvisation is easy when my neck is free.  Improvisation is easy when my spine is lengthening and widening.  Improvisation is easy when my back is long and wide.  Improvisation is easy as my legs release from my pelvis to my knees, from my knees to my ankles.  Easy when my feet are long and wide.  When my shoulders are away music flows through me.  When my arms are long all the way through my fingers I am better able to touch music. 

I hope that my improvisation with the Alexander Technique directions does not offend nor misinform anyone.  What transpired after this lie down was sublime.  Nights like this I want to go into the wee hours of the morning, but I have my responsibilities at work tomorrow.  Something tells me that I will play more once I publish this post.

One Small Step

While driving to work today, I was reflecting on my work with improvisation last night.  I began improvising a melody in my mind, when I realized I could sing an improv instead.  Fairly quickly I realized the limitations of my singing wide intervals, but I persisted nonetheless.  I returned to this a few times during work today, gently singing a melody created in the moment.  While I have done this before,  and have even consciously work on a developing piece in this way, I'm not sure why I have never thought of this as improvisation.

Tonight I had my Alexander Technique lesson with David Jernigan who also happens to be an accomplished jazz bassist,  plays guitar and piano.  I knew that I would have to continue my work on the Creative Pact 2011 commitment I made to work with improvisation and AT with David tonight.  As it was raining I began to use this as an excuse to leave my guitar at home.  I did have an AT related question for us to work with tonight.  A tendency I have to "hold on" with my right leg & foot, and a similar tendency with my left hand.  David has shown me how to apply AT to release my left hand, and this has happened markedly in the past two months.  We worked with the sense of lengthening along the diagonal between the left shoulder and the right leg.  Releasing the lower back to release the leg.

David put me on the table and with gentle manipulation and direction introduced a greater release and length in me.  As I went to get up we talked about the habit I noticed a couple weeks ago, of always rising from a lie down to my right side.  This came up as I had began to roll to the right.  I did choose to continue in this direction, but at least now it is not always just a habitual response to rising.  As I sat on the table, he asked if I was ready to play guitar.  A part of me did not want to get the guitar out of the case and improvise, even though this was the intention I established last night.

A short improvisation followed by a short discussion. And then another, which was moving along and then I was lost as to where to go and stopped.  A bit more discussion about vulnerability and stepping out into the unknown.  I mentioned that I was not using my body to withdraw away from him and hide.  Then David asked me to play again.  This take began with a tritone and had a sense of musical direction throughout.  A bit varied in intensity, and I followed with what developed until I found an ending.  The duration was probably less than two minutes and at one point self-judgement slipped into my thinking, but overall I remained free.  This is major progress.

Density - Intensity

While resting after dinner tonight, two ideas to explore as launching points for my improvisations tonight arose.  This is in line with my commitment to Creative Pact 2011.  I was fairly certain that the ideas were from Ralph Towner's book Improvisation and Performance Techniques for Classical and Acoustic Guitar.  Flipping open my copy to search for these ideas I came across this gem: Density and intensity are not the same thing.  The sparsity of notes and again the coloring can maintain and even increase the drama.  Suddenly I was letting go of my ideas for a different evening, even though I was unclear as to what I would do.  Gotta love stepping into the unknown.

Armed with a vague sense of how to proceed, I hit the floor for my AT lie down.  Towards the end of the lie down, I began improvising in my mind.  This began with a tri-tone and gently took off.  The thought arose that I could begin to improvise in my mind and then play what I was hearing, which would also challenge my ear and fretboard knowledge.  So once again, my sense of what I would do this evening had a slight change of course.  I began improvising in my mind, and almost as soon as I began playing, I let go of the notion.  The hands took over and I allowed them to.  What came out was pleasing to me, but I'll never know if it was the act of improvising that was pleasing or the subsequent music.

Because of this I decided to up the ante and break out my mp3 recorder.  At the very least I could listen back during my commute to work.  I know that listening back is a double edged sword.  Harsh judgement could sidetrack otherwise good work from developing.  Yet not having a tool for evaluating my work is delusional.  Five improvisations followed - two based on Mike Vargas's concept of Zone's; one with an emphasis on dyads; and one with an emphasis on chords based on fourths.  The final improv was an effort to vary the intensity of quick burst of dense notes.  One thing I noticed in the act of playing with the final improv was that when I focused on intensity of notes, my playing slowed down.  More work to follow with all of this.

My work with AT was not as active this evening.  I did do another lie down after the first three improvisations and paid attention to myself in between the improvs.  Reflecting back on this though during both of the lie downs, I did have thoughts that were pertinent to my musical work for the evening.

Density - Intensity. Wherein lies the balance?

Note: I was pleasantly surprised to see that only a used copy of Towner's book is available on Amazon at a price of $142. Glad I've held onto this.  I suspect we'll never see this happen with digital works.

The Quality of Active Rest

This morning as I was journaling. my thoughts turned to improvisation.  Suddenly as I have joined the Creative Pact 2011, improv is taking over.  One valuable tidbit that came out in my journaling is that when I am present with the disconnect of the musical flow when improvising that some type of learning will be possible.  This may be an area of musical knowledge that needs to be deepened, the information that I was using myself poorly and/or end gaining and lost my awareness of what I am doing.  Or that once again I was distracted in my thinking.  My intention while improvising will be to be present with my playing.  Always a challenge to maintain, and a bit more so for me when improvising.

Most evenings when I begin my guitar practice, I do an Alexander Technique lie down.  Tonight I was very physically tired from having had fun for 3.5 hours at a splash park with family.  As my back hit the floor, I noticed a bit of tension in my spine begin to release.  Usually I am tired emotionally and mentally from having been at work during the day, but tonight was as close to a pure physical tiredness as I get.  As I rested with my neck on the books, I was replaying parts of an important conversation I had earlier.  Examining it, wondering about actions and repercussions that will follow.  At one point I found myself thinking, that perhaps because I am so physically tired, I'm not going to register that energizing affect of the lie down.

As I began to roll over, I just felt tired.  The usual charge was missing.  And then I paused - yes I had been laying in a semi-supine position with my neck supported by paperback books.  But that was all.  I was not present with the process.  I was not directing my thinking, I was just laying down and rehashing the past.  Before I got up from the floor, I began my AT lie down again.  This time I did direct  my thinking and lo and behold my energy began to regenerate.  In my first lie down, the "active" part of active rest was not present and thus neither was I.

As I moved to the guitar, I choose to begin with a known piece of music.  I wanted to get the energy of music alive in me and to allow my hands to play with confidence.  Then I began with an idea that arose in an improvisation on Friday.  Taking it a bit further,  while enjoying the act of improvising,  I was pleased with the musicality of what I was playing.  Pausing to reconnect, I began again.  Varying my responses, and working with maintaining my awareness, slowly the music developed.  Taking my hands off the instrument to direct my thinking via AT, I began again.  This time just letting the notes come out, listening, taking chances, and working to remain judgement free.  At one point a fast run leapt from my fingers, followed by another one.  I pulled back a bit and then let loose with another flurry of notes, this one a bit hesitant.  Resting a second and reestablishing my connection with myself I continued to play.  Part of what transpired was uncharacteristic of me.

After a short break I explored a zone, as described in Friday nights blog.  This had more space than my earlier improv, perhaps even more of an emotional connection.  The beauty of some of the notes was surprising to me.  Pausing to play through Gathered Hearts, I then explored this zone one more time.  Something is happening, I just need to trust and allow the process to unfold.

Dyads

On my second active day of participation in the Creative Pact 2011, I sensed that working with dyads was appropriate.  As I began thinking of the various ways I could improvise with dyads, I knew I was on the right path.  While doing my Alexander Technique lie down, as I was thinking of a wide back, the notion of using wide intervals to begin my investigation arose.  I choose to use only intervals larger than a minor ninth.  There is something about the minor ninth that has always captured my ear, probably the same attraction I have to the sound of seconds.  Working my way around the fretboard, I would pause and renew the AT directions.

Again my intention was to work to keep myself free as I improvised.  Moving on to using dyads interspersed with single notes, and then dyads and arpeggios, I continued to pause and pay attention to my use. Eventually I found a short progression of dyads that really caught my ear.  I began to play with and develop this progression.

After dinner, I returned to this progression, and found that I still liked the musicality.  As I continued to improvise with this progression as my springboard, I became excited and decided to notate what I had.  The act of working with the guitar, paper, & pencil generally triggers a strong tendency to end gain in me and to loose any sense of myself.  Frequently I paused to once again find a pencil in my mouth, my upper body slumped on the guitar, and one or both of my feet pressing off the floor with my toes to "balance" me.  Why do I loose my sense of myself as I play and notate?  I have observed this on too many occasions in the past.  When I did pause tonight to reconnect with myself, I would let go of the desire to capture anything and instead look to free myself.  Returning to the moment in this way, had me go down some unfamiliar musical paths.

Smiling now as I recall my thoughts this morning of how am I going to proceed with incorporating Alexander Technique and improvisation for the month of Creative Pact 2011.  A day at a time, of course - just one note, one release at a time.  Trusting that music is there when I am.

Allowing Alexander Technique to Influence Improvisation

Tonight found my wife invoking my two times to practice rule on me - when I want to and when I don't want to.  So grateful for such a supportive presence in my life.  While doing my AT lie down before picking up my guitar, I marveled at the complex systems which we call our body.  Bones, tissues, and an energy system the power of which I have only glimpsed.  Numerous biochemical processes adapting to the sustenance and abuse we absorb.  I recalled the sense of awe I had when I first held DNA in a test tube during biochemistry lab. And then I came back to my body.

Allowing my thinking to touch various aspects of the Alexander Technique as I continued to lie down, I sensed the freedom that is available to us.  Can I practice tonight with the aim of maintaining this freedom, rather than becoming concerned with results?  After playing through two pieces I paused, recalling a project a couple of online friends are participating in Creative Pact 2011 which began yesterday.  I know the value of support, but finding out about Creative Pact on the day it began, I was unsure of how I might participate.

As this project is hosted by a group called Inclusive Improv, I did have a sense that working with improvisation was a way in for me, but how to share the documentation.  I do not want to get bogged down with recording/editing of improvs to share with the project.  I also thought of Alexander Technique and my writing related to application of this to my musical practice.  So tonight in the spirit of joining the creative pact 2011, I improvised with the intent of being quiet in my thinking and free in my use.

The first improvisation came to a halt when I noticed that my judgemental thinking had begun it's dialogue.  Coming back to myself and quieting the thinking by observing my breath, I then directed my thinking with the Alexander Technique.  Beginning again, I soon faltered with judgement thoughts impeding the flow.  Centering myself again, I simply enjoyed sitting on my stool, and then began to play with a sense of space between the notes.  Allowing this sense of space between the notes to inform the sense of space within my body.  Directing via AT, in between snatches of playing.  I continued in this fashion for 15 - 20 minutes, occasionally pausing to reconnect.  Noticing that my mind was quieting and my energy rising.

I took a short break and then resumed in this manner, exploring and playing with different ideas.  One idea I borrowed from my pianist friend Mike Vargas was to restrict myself to a particular "zone" on the guitar.  In this case the notes between the 6th and 15th frets including open strings.  Little judgement surfacing now, just playing and following where I might go.

Deciding at one point to play through Gathered Hearts from this space I was in, I did so.  Then with the partial capo in the second position, I resumed improvising.  Finding an idea that I will return to, I now had my bridge to begin my practice tomorrow. 

Pushing Hard

Monday night I was playing around with the Alexander Technique directions while I was brushing my teeth.  Having a sense of myself I slowly extended my left arm toward the mirror.  Then I brought the hand towards my body as if I would be moving to the guitar neck.  There was space within and beneath my shoulder that I do not usually sense when I habitually bring my hand to the guitar from my lap.  I was excited and played around with this a few times.  Though the hour was late I wanted to go and check this out with my guitar.  But I was tired.

I had already let go of blogging that evening because it was after 10 pm and I was beat.  As I felt the pull in me to go back to the guitar I recognized an old habit of mine.  The ability to push myself hard.  In general, I and others, have seen this as an admirable trait.  But this "pushing myself" is a habit.  Looking at this from an Alexander Technique perspective I began to wonder about the effectiveness of "using" myself in this way.  What are the long term affects of this "pushing hard?"  Certainly I have sustained injuries from pushing too hard with the guitar.  What has been the psycho-physical toll from a lifestyle of "work hard/play hard?"  This is a habit I must look at deeply.

While I did not go and play my guitar that night I did jot down some notes before turning in.