Releasing One Small Habit

When I woke on Monday, there was a familiar tightness in the area of the right elbow.  A stiffness was present in part of the right side of my neck and as I moved my arms about, a tightness in  a muscle of the upper right arm.  Some position I had assumed during my sleep had aggravated the muscles and tendons that comprise my condition of "tennis elbow."

Part of the great relief from the Bill Conable workshop on Saturday was having this situation alleviated.  Now I knew it was possible to have freedom in my right arm, I had experienced this on Saturday and Sunday.   So what to do?   I needed to pay attention to my whole use of myself and to direct my thinking.

That morning at work, I sat in front of my computer.  I noticed a slight pulling in the right side of my neck.  Pausing to observe, my head was slightly tilted to the right as I looked at the monitor, pulling & shortening this area of my neck.  Meanwhile my right arm was also "shortening" to accommodate my relationship to the keyboard.  Later while carrying a few sheets of paper back to my office, I noticed that my right arm was "shortening" again.  Back at my desk, I went to close my right hand and saw that when I would go to close the hand there was a "pulling back" of the arm and a slight "scrunching" of the right shoulder.

Carrying a cup of coffee with elbow bent, I again saw this "shortening."  Is this a result of strategy I developed to "protect"the injury?  More likely this is a pattern of use that has been unconscious to me and contributed to the injury.  I took this information to my Alexander Technique session with David Jernigan last night.  Through the use of his hands and suggestions my freedom in this area was once again restored.  The possibility of this habit of shortening being let go is real, but I need to cultivate the awareness to allow this to manifest.

When I came home I went to play guitar.  Pausing to direct my thinking,  I came back several times to my arms are long.  Thinking about my recent work with negative directions, the thought "I am not a short guy" arrived.  Laughing as my 6'4" frame played with this direction.

In the 45 minutes that I have been writing this, I have paused several times to notice how I was using myself at the computer.  In taking the opportunity to direct my thinking and introduce a small measure of freedom I have noticed small scrunchings  and tweakings of myself and let them go.  But habits are persistent and as my awareness withdraws from my use, the habits reassert themselves.  As Thomas Jefferson said "The price of freedom in constant vigilance."  I have my work cut out for me.

Maintaining Freedom - Is It Possible?

We move according to how we think we are structured not according to how we are actually structured. -  Bill Conable

Here I am, a mass of habits.  Many good habits and some bad ones, with most of my habits engaging below the level of my consciousness.  Yesterday at an Alexander Technique workshop with Bill Conable, he introduced a great level of comfort and freedom into my left arm in particular and my whole self in general.  Bill has been working with AT for over fifty years and has an amazing ability to transmit freedom with his hands coupled with an astounding ability to see one's self-imposed limitations.

The freedom he took me through was and is still very palpable.  How may I maintain this freedom?   Certainly by use of the AT process. Using inhibition of an action and directing myself.  Noticing what I am doing and then working through the technique to let go of what is not useful.  Lie downs and more lie downs.  But what of those habits that might lie outside of pure movement.

As I began to move about my kitchen this morning the urge, habit really, to grab a few handfuls of granola stuck me.  At this time I also noticed how free and up I still was from yesterday's work.  The unity of my system is a sum of the parts.  Habits form and shape these "parts."  What if I inhibit this particular habit of early morning snacking and choose to direct my thinking instead.  After all this "grabbing a handful of granola" generally lies within my automatic behavior.

When ever I can disrupt my automatic behavior my entire system benefits.  One small act can and does influence the whole.   Pausing to direct my thinking right now and introduce length and width to myself as I type will positively impact how I use myself with the guitar.  These moments of freedom are fleeting and rare, yet powerful.  When one continues to comes back to the moment to notice and direct what one is doing, change becomes possible.  And this act of coming back to the body and unifying my actions with my thinking strengthens the ability to notice again later.

As I learn more about how the human system actually is designed to work and choose to direct my use along these lines rather than my habitual way of doing, a small measure of freedom is obtained.  Vigilance in observing how I move and taking the time to direct my thinking maintains these small freedoms.  Change is possible, freedom is possible; it requires a gentle persistence.  Just now I paused again to notice how I was sitting with the computer.  Bringing my actions within a conscious intentional act changes everything, if only for  a moment.