Thursday, February 10, 2011

Wherein Lies the Distortion

There was a low level of anxiety in my body that I brought home from work today.  Is anxiety physical, emotional, or both I wondered?  A quick glance at the dictionary might clarify this, but for tonight the question was mine to examine and define.  For certain there was a definite low level distortion within myself.  I rested a bit and thought of having a night off from the guitar, yet I also knew I needed what the guitar can offer to me - music.

Entering my practice space, I immediately knew I needed to sit quietly first, and allow the anxiety to settle.  I could play through the anxiety, and have on other occasions, but then what am I practicing?  "Do nothing as much as possible" is the suggestion offered.  Sitting on my chair, following my breath, letting go of my day, I began to calm.  Yet there was this little tug in the area of my chest that wanted, maybe even needed the anxiety to thrive.  So I continued to sit, my body quiet, as well as my mind, with this sensation or feeling holding on, perhaps striving to take over.  Being gentle with myself, to myself, allowing all to settle.  Eventually this passed, as all formations do.  When I recognized that all was fairly quiet, I moved to my guitar.

Some nights the distortion lies more within my body, usually within the mind.  The more slippery situation is an emotional state that has me just off balance enough to linger and thwart.  All three are connected, and if I can begin my practice in a state of relative harmony, I am in a place where I can learn.  When one center is distorted, the guitar practice may still bring harmony.  If two of them are distorted,  I must do nothing as much as possible.  When all three are distorted, I am lost.

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