While practicing Qi Gong in the yard at sunrise, I noticed an underlying anxiety. At work we are anticipating our annual licensure inspection which lasts five plus days resulting in tons of stress being distributed and recycled amongst our staff. By design this is a surprise inspection that occurs within a six month period. We are in the middle of that period, a place fraught with opportunity and hazard.
But why be anxious? I have been through this inspection process for 18 years, without major issues. Yet licenses and jobs are on the line so we fret. Then I noticed the anxiety creeping into tonights Memorial service where I'll be playing two pieces. If the state shows up today, I'll be at work late and may have difficulty arriving on time. What will my personal state be like then? I paused, noticing the earth beneath my feet, I knew I was supported. Breathing in the cold morning air, seeing the beauty of the sunrise, I knew that this feeling of anxiety would also pass if I directed my thinking to a positive thought or feeling. Not without a struggle mind you, but with gentle considered responses to what ever negative thoughts or feelings arose within me. I resumed my practice, marveling at the beauty of the tall bare trees, quiet sentinels of rooted peace.
During my morning commute I reflected on how I might stay in touch with the performance this evening. There is no green room plus there will be many people I know in social mode. How to maintain the presence that supports my playing? Certainly I have many practices at my disposal. I decided to restrict my conversation at work to what was necessary to address my professional concerns. Grateful to Guitar Craft for introducing me to this notion, I smiled knowing there is always the underlying support of Guitar Craft for my creative endeavors. Pausing during stop lights, I used mental practicing to review the beginnings of both pieces. I want them to be strong, clean, & focused. I planned to employ regular pauses throughout my day to address my awareness or my lack thereof.
Later in the day while pausing, I recalled Robert's sage observation that "Music is a presence constantly and readily available to us all." Smiling as I knew that I need to address my availability with the practices outlined and beyond. Then I can trust that music will be able to take care of us. Just simply, purely make my offering for my dear friend Basile and all will be fine now and in the hereafter.
As the day unfolded, I failed at times as far as the necessary conversation. Upon noticing I began again. Such is my life, or my ability to actuate my aspirations. That moment of noticing and recommitting to the process is key to any success over the longer period of my life. Distracted thinking, then one useful thought arrives and rights the process, until once again the distractions are present. But there is hope and help. There is support and love. There is loss and remembrance.
Tomorrow the sun will rise and new opportunities present themselves. Will I be available?
