What to Let Go?

What do I need to let go?  What blocks the muse from using me, from using my instrument?  Recently I have been playing a very fine instrument on loan to me from a friend.  I am finding that I require less effort to play this guitar.  The lightness of this instrument supports my sense of ease and uprightness in my body.  I realize in hindsight that I have been making certain accommodations to the guitar that I have been using which have limited my playing.

Do I let go of the old guitar?  Let go of the funds to buy this beautiful instrument that I have been dating, teased with a kiss, and am generally falling in love with?  Now the answer appears so obvious.  The same answer that surfaces again and again - to let go of  fear.  Always.  When to let go?  Now!

Elegy

Today is the Anniversary of my sister Sharon's death.  She lived a relatively short life, ravaged by the unforgiving relentlessness of Multiple Sclerosis.  Slowly, surely, she could no longer control her functioning.  Her spirits and mind remaining strong, her support of me unwavering.  Sharon taught me to seize the day, to know that I will never know what twist life may take.  To be grateful that I could run away on my young strong legs from her problems and pretend this could never happen to me.

One of my early pieces for guitar was inspired by Sharon - Elegy.  We played this in oDD CamP and Solaris Guitar Trio.  There is a stretch required of the first finger of the left hand while the second and fourth fingers remain anchored, that was at the limit of my reach, perhaps even just beyond this.  With a heart full of remembrance, I would reach for this note with the hope that life would go on.  Smiling internally that my nervous system had not yet betrayed me, my muscles able to stretch and respond.  Touched beyond belief, when during an early performance of this piece, I saw a woman in the audience allow her tears to surface.

Sharons' loss is my loss; all of ours.  Life is full of suffering; but also full of joy, peace, and happiness.  Today, let me reach beyond my limits, and touch the hearts of another.  Life is short.  Oftentimes, just as my left hand fingers are anchored on the part from Elegy; I remain anchored on my take of life's recurrent themes.  Yearning to reach for the note that completes the chord of resolution, I fall short.  Patience and practice, patience and practice; watered with trust, love and understanding gives me the impetus to go beyond my reach.  But I must remember - life is short.

Multiple Lie Downs

I am continuing to investigate Philip Pawley's idea of doing more lie downs for shorter periods of time.  Today over the course of an hour & twenty minute practice period, I did six lie downs.  My usual one to begin my practice and then One every ten - fifteen minutes.  Never did I feel the "need" to do a lie down, yet I continued to do so.

The first three lie downs, I noticed the usual place in my spine behind the rib cage was tight.  This tightness let go easily. The duration of each lie down was longer than the minute that Pawley has investigated and suggests.  If indeed I am to rest these muscle that are learning new ways of being used, I suspect that a little longer time on the floor is prudent.  By the end of my practice session I was energized, and even willing to go further.  But a glance at the clock on a Sunday night and I know I need to let go and get to bed.

Free to Make Another Brick

The chords I found last night were four note chords.  Today I decided to make another brick, still built on an interval of a fourth, but as triads.  Then I played with finding the inversions to these chords.  Do I now have another brick or three?  In actuality this does not matter, what is important is that I remain engaged in the process.

One different approach I employed earlier in the day with this notion of a piece in C Hijaz was to begin constructing a mind map of what I had.  The act of mapping the ideas to date led me to search for a working title that will bestow a certain quality or sense to the piece.  And to do the work of finding these triads and their inversions.

Still no wall, just more bricks.  Limits, but not walled in and enclosed.  Building blocks for this piece and beyond.  Ordered divergence watered with curios probing may lead to inspired music.  At the very least I am learning; I am enjoying the sounds of a beautiful guitar on loan to me; I am happy just playing; and at times I am free.

Making Bricks

One of my favorite of Brian Eno's Oblique Strategies is "Not building a wall, making a brick."  Something working class about this that I like.  One small effort that is mobile in a sense.  A brick can be used in many ways, even unrelated to "a wall."  Besides a wall requires a plan, and at times that plan eludes me.  Then this craftsman works on making a brick.

Tonight's brick was to find five chords in C hijaz that are built on fourths.  The works is done.  I still can not hear them in my mind's ear, but I will.  Would also be nice if I could name them.  C'est la vie.  For now I can let them rest in the brain and continue working on a new brick tomorrow.

                   
                                     Completed Walls

When ...

When Silence exists in the life of a musician, one hears this in the music.








                              Support

Auralizing, Alexanderizing, and Walking

Finally an evening in the DC metro area when I could take a walk again.  Temperatures and humidity have been breaking records of late and have not been healthy to be out and exercising in.  As I was walking I began to auralize a piece I have been working with.  Then I paused to inhibit and direct via the Alexander Technique.  Beginning the auralization of the piece again, I resumed walking.  The birds and insects were singing and were somewhat distracting to me.  So I paused, inhibited, & directed again.  I found a place in the piece where I was lost without the guitar, so I made a note to look at this when I returned home.

Thinking about what else I might auralize, I realized that beginning with the AT directions was a good way for me to work.  In this way my mental rehearsal of the piece would occur while I was aware and perhaps experiencing  a different degree of freedom without holding my instrument.  Hopefully this would positively influence my work with the guitar.  So I proceeded through 3 other pieces as I walked.  Occasionally distracted by the the sounds of Sligo Creek or the lovely movements of the ripples in the water.  Just like performance I reasoned, there is frequently something that is happening to draw away my attention.  Good to practice directing my attention in a distracting environment.

At home, I resumed practicing with a very sweet guitar that is on loan to me, by someone who is very kind.  More opportunities to apply AT were explored.  But the hour is getting late and the day job awaits me in the morning.

Photo by Jackie Dervichian.