Learning, Still Learning

Asking myself what assumptions and constraints are inherent in the way I do things yielded some obvious answers as I journaled this morning.  A bit later I was watching a Qi Gong video of Master Li in preparation for class today.  My wife was helping me by writing down some comments of his as I was working with the movements.  Frustration mounted as I worked with the movements.  Then I saw something inherent that I first noticed as a teenager.  Anxiety arising when learning on front of others and I'm struggling.  As this arises it gives way to some aspect of fear.  Left unchecked this will turn to anger, generally directed at another. 

After my practice I added this to my journal and it was a good thing I did.  Early in our practice with Master Li, he began correcting me on a part of the form I thought I knew.  As I watched him I could see what he was doing, but was locking into how I do things.  I paused, and took a few quiet breaths, quieting my mind and seeing the emotion looking to sprout.  Staying with awareness of my emotions I was able to keep following his direction and gradually let go of what I was doing. My mind offered up some excuses, reasons even during this learning process, but by continuing to cultivate my awareness I was able to let these thoughts go as easily as they had arrived. 

Progress, not perfection.

photo by Rosa Menkman

Learning in Action

Yesterday was a bit of a low energy day for me and I had the gig at Electric Maid.  A nice spot to perform but with no green room, the performer is exposed.  Good stuff for me to work with.  How to connect with arriving friends and keep a sense of myself and the intentions to which I aspire.  I was the second performer of the evening after a solo electric guitarist Jon Camp. 

Asking for help as I hit the stage the first piece began too quick.  The energy of Dancin' Free was bubbling and I held on for the ride.  Gathered Hearts was fine and The Call had a special quality hovering about.  Senseless Loss was intense, and Dandelion Wish was a bit sloppy.  Livin' the Dream appeared fine.   Scattered Hearts was also intense as it should be, but then I really began to notice my energy and focus was draining.

I had trouble beginning the next piece, Opening, and I fumbled in it a few times.  I began thinking of dropping the next piece Forget-Me-Knot as the emotional content of this piece hits close to home.  Forget-Me-Knot arrived in the aftermath of my Brother's death.  There was one other piece after this and then I could be off the stage.  Then I heard myself and I knew I must play the Forget-Me-Knot.  I must execute the set in the order written and maintain the balance of the music.  What was going on inside of me, I am not sure.  But with focus fading, and the mistakes within Opening, I suspect that fear was manifesting.  And it was, but the fear was not allowed to flower.  I learned and grew from it, and the last two pieces were played strong.

Photo by Jackie Moore

Journey Between

In Ralph Towner's book Improvisation and Performance Techniques for Classical and Acoustic Guitar he suggested picking two chords and finding a way to relate them to one another.  This idea surfaced in my mind today so I decided to explore the possibilities again. Any two chords could work, the intent is to find a way, even more than one way to connect them.  When I've played with this before I always learn something.  Today was no different.

A simple journey into the unknown, offering a chance to respond, reflect and refine my abilities.  Another benefit is the activity makes a deposit in my imagination for future harvest.  Possibly a nugget could arrive that leads to a piece.  I'll never know if I don't pick up the guitar and explore.  Neither will you.

Photo by Dominic Alves

Performance as a Learning Experience

Last night before I was practiced, I reflected on the gig at Electric Maid  to see what I could learn from the experience. So much happens in a relatively short period of time of a gig.  Interpersonal, intrapersonal, musical, and practical.

Wearing a hat can be useful for a gig.  Saturday night was frigid and the venue on the cool side.  I kept my hat on as I did my sound check and almost immediately adjusted it to keep a stage light out of my eyes.  Two reasons that night, but to keep my eyes free was a real plus.

As happens frequently I sped up the first piece of the set.  The energy of being on stage, ready to go just goes from my nervous system to my hands too intensely at times and on Saturday I had to hold on for the ride.  In the future why not practice the first piece at a tempo quicker than I intend to play, but at least then I can be familiar with the piece at a faster tempo.

Something that I learned from Curt Golden a long time ago paid off Saturday night.  I'm not one to talk between pieces, yet for some venues this is expected and it is another way to relate with the audience.  After I composed the set list a week ago, I looked for the opportunities within it to share something about the pieces and then I rehearsed these thoughts.  Curt pointed out how he'll spend hours refining a musical phrase and then think he can just get up on stage and talk off the top of his head.  Having a sense of what I wanted to say added to this performance.

Have an extra battery at all times.  I thought I had learned this one, but then I would not be listing it here.  When I took my tuner out of the case it was dead.  Where was that second battery I had bought last time?  Fortunately Clint the guitarist from Uncle JoJo let me use his.  I did have my tuning fork but very hard to hear in the venue.

Deciding to drop a piece from the set during the has repercussions that were unforeseen and palpable.
Overall the performance felt strong and engaging.

Photo by Sonny Abesemis.

Alternate Possibilites

What holds me back from being open to alternative ideas or possibilities?

Ignorance manifesting as lack of knowledge is one aspect which can be remedied with practical study.  Lack of technique in executing what can be heard requires exercise.  But when ignorance arises in the form of a fixed view this presents a different degree of difficulty.  One that requires probing and openness within.  How to listen for the unheard note, the one that lies beyond my prejudice?  This form of ignorance has ramifications which also manifest in the rest of life, perhaps this is part of the difficulty of working with fixed views.

Years ago in a conversation with a friend and playwright Nicole Burton, she told me that when she is stuck she works to take a scene in three different directions.  Not an easy task for me when I'm not sure where a piece wants to go next, but I work to remain open to this possibility.  Even if I do not resolve the current issue, by working with alternate possibilities, I learn.  Fruits of this learning nourish future endeavors and unknown connections are being made.  Vocabulary & technique are extended & developed, while the relationship with the muse is deepened.

Photo by Elliot Brown.