Yesterday was a bit of a low energy day for me and I had the gig at Electric Maid. A nice spot to perform but with no green room, the performer is exposed. Good stuff for me to work with. How to connect with arriving friends and keep a sense of myself and the intentions to which I aspire. I was the second performer of the evening after a solo electric guitarist Jon Camp.
Asking for help as I hit the stage the first piece began too quick. The energy of Dancin' Free was bubbling and I held on for the ride. Gathered Hearts was fine and The Call had a special quality hovering about. Senseless Loss was intense, and Dandelion Wish was a bit sloppy. Livin' the Dream appeared fine. Scattered Hearts was also intense as it should be, but then I really began to notice my energy and focus was draining.
I had trouble beginning the next piece, Opening, and I fumbled in it a few times. I began thinking of dropping the next piece Forget-Me-Knot as the emotional content of this piece hits close to home. Forget-Me-Knot arrived in the aftermath of my Brother's death. There was one other piece after this and then I could be off the stage. Then I heard myself and I knew I must play the Forget-Me-Knot. I must execute the set in the order written and maintain the balance of the music. What was going on inside of me, I am not sure. But with focus fading, and the mistakes within Opening, I suspect that fear was manifesting. And it was, but the fear was not allowed to flower. I learned and grew from it, and the last two pieces were played strong.
Photo by Jackie Moore