Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Minding My Choices

Release was the word for the day today, as we completed our Qi Gong practice.  I was tempted to go with Listen, but when my wife suggested "Release," I followed.  A real pleasure to trace this word with my hands, and again being aware of 'release' served me well in my day.  A situation arose regarding a project I am leading a team on.  With my feelings looking to stir, I asked myself what could I release.  My need to be right, the internal chatter that was erupting, and taking a defensive attitude were a good beginning.  As I calmed my mind, I realized I could release my entire story around this project.  Ah, momentary freedom; but to maintain any freedom I needed to be mindful of my feeling and thoughts.

Using the AT directions, I was able to stay within my body.  Releasing unneeded tension, as my habit of reacting to a stimulus I perceived as unfavorable was attempting to surface.  Reminding myself of my aim, and also that how I live my life is more important than what others think or feel.  Harmony, while edging towards the dissonant was maintained, and the project pretty much stayed on track.  Pleased with myself, I needed to choose again how to process this new information.  Quietly was my best response.

After a beautiful walk, delightful dinner, and time organizing my writings I was ready to practice.  Knowing that I was tired I choose to do an AT lie down.  As soon as my back hit the floor I knew this was the right choice.  After tuning my guitar, I questioned myself as to how I would spend my time practicing.  A part of me had let go of the idea of blogging tonight and playing longer.  As I directed my thinking to release my body, I saw that I had a choice to practice mindfully or to degrade into habit.  Habit energy is so strong, that it is so easy for me to get lost in the playing, and loose my sense of myself.  When I loose this sense, the habits begin to exert themselves, and poor use slips in.

The first piece I played, Gathered Hearts,  was flowing beautifully.  Pausing to give the AT directions again, I played Kinnara, which also sounded full and rich.  But the internal chatter began, oh what a good student I am, and then the noise began to increase.  Once again I gave myself space and time to direct, and then began Here We Are.  I then choose to get up and release my guitar from my body, while I was still relatively relaxed.  Disrupt my urge to continue, since overall my playing and use were going along relatively well.

After writing, I decided it was time to hit the floor again for a few.  This second lie down was a bit of a struggle.  "Come on the hour's getting late," I heard myself thinking.  I could really feel my tiredness and a strong urge to get up and play.  But I stayed with the lie down, until the struggle eased.

I began with an improvisation which was fun. Where's the engineer when I need him?  Suddenly I found myself singing intervals and enjoying the resonance. Whenever I do this, I find I easily arrive in the present moment.  Besides being good for my ear, singing intervals may very well be good for my being.  Playing through a few more pieces that needed dusting off, I was still enjoying myself.  Letting go to my tiredness I completed my practice.

To glimpse another important part of my day go here Full Moon Awareness.

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